My Best SHIFT

S5:E7: Boldly Speaking: Bravery is a Practice (with Hady Mendez)

• Hosted By: Chantée Christian • Season 5 • Episode 7

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In this empowering episode of My Best Shift, guest Hady Mendez shares her journey of resilience, self-advocacy, and entrepreneurship with host Chantée L. Christian. 

Hady opens up about the systemic challenges women of color face in the workplace, from pay disparities to being labeled “disruptive” for speaking up. She discusses how bravery isn’t a one-time event but an ongoing practice of stepping into discomfort, navigating challenges with courage, and advocating for oneself. 

Tune in to hear Hady’s inspiring transition from corporate DEI leadership to founding Boldly Speaking, and the role self-awareness and personal growth have played in her journey. 

This conversation is a must-listen for anyone looking to embrace their power, protect their peace, and redefine their career path.

Connect with Hady via LinkedIn | Substack | Website.

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Chantée Christian:

Welcome to the my Best SHIFT podcast. I'm your host, Chantée Christian. In today's episode, I'll be talking about resilience and self-advocacy with Hady. Hi Hady, how are you doing today? I'm doing okay. Happy Friday, yes, happy Friday, or whatever day. The good people listen to us. Before we get too kicked off and into our conversation, why don't you tell the people a little bit about yourself?

Hady Mendez:

Okay, Hi everybody, Hi audience. I'm Hady Mendez and my pronouns are she, her and hers. I identify as a Latina and as a woman of color, and I am a business owner. That is my current occupation entrepreneur and founder CEO of a company called Boldly Speaking, which I started almost a year ago. Believe it or not, it's almost my one year anniversary, and I started that business last year when I got laid off from my job in tech. My most recent job in tech was as head of equality at Slack, and right now, Boldly Speaking is here to transform the experience of women and people of color at work. That's what I'm here to do, and hopefully I'm going to start doing a lot more of it sometime soon.

Chantée Christian:

I love that. I love that. Welcome to the show. So I'm curious, because actually I'm not sure that I know how did you come up with Boldly Speaking Like? How did it come to fruition?

Hady Mendez:

The title, like the name or the business, both Okay, so the name came from Chad GVT. I was like what the speaker business and I got like a list of things and boldly speaking was one of them and I'm like I kind of like that and I have to tell you and I think we'll get into a little bit of my story today but I was not always boldly speaking, I was the antithesis of that or the opposite of that for quite some time. So I feel like it's a nod to that transformation that even I've experienced in my own journey and the one that I hope that a lot of people experience. And then the business itself I'm doing speaking and then I'm doing coaching for ERG leaders. Those are the two things that I'm most focused on.

Hady Mendez:

You know I do some workshops. You know it's all kind of related and I started that because I was doing actually a lot of that when I was a DEI practitioner and even before I was a DEI practitioner, I've always been involved in ERGs. I've always been a champion or someone who is advocating for DEI at work and I was, you know, kind of always in that space If there was ever an opportunity to speak at a conference or at a company-wide event, I always raised my hand, and so this doing it professionally, getting paid to do it, working with companies to do it made a lot of sense as something that I could quickly pivot to when I got laid off. I needed to just find something to do, and I'm like I'm going to do that.

Chantée Christian:

That's awesome. I was literally just talking to someone about how we're in this space right now where entrepreneurship doesn't seem like such a daunting task as it used to, only because we're in spaces where it's more welcomed and it's more expected and kind of just accepted. So when you talk about your story and using your voice, the part that we did not say in your intro is that you are also an author for Awareness Put Me On, and by the time that this airs, awareness Put Me On will be out in the streets. We are going to be able to go purchase it, and in it you tell us a little bit about your story, and so I'm curious as to how parts of your story have really shaped your business.

Hady Mendez:

Yeah, I would say the important parts of my story are the following One is that it wasn't going so well for me early on and for quite some time. I'm not going to you know, I can't say exactly how long, but it was a while before that awareness came to me, that story that I share. It was quite some time into my career and I would say that I had inklings of it early on, but like there was proof and like evidence at one point and that kind of shifted everything and really shifted how I started to walk in the world to walk in the world. But I would say that that experience is what I want to. I want to shorten the timeline that people have to have that experience in their own journey. So it's like do I want you to get 20 years into your journey for you to figure out that this system is broken or there's some injustice or there's inequities? No, I don't want you to wait 20 years to find that out. I'd rather you just know it when you start and then immediately start to implement some of the things that are going to help you in spite of that. So I feel like there is a direct correlation between the story that I share, which I you know my lived experience and my business, which is I want to get the word out now. I want people to know this early on. I want people to not also feel hopeless.

Hady Mendez:

And so this awareness, it's a scary thing. It's like, oh my goodness, like this is not fair. We get paid less, we don't get promoted as much as other people. There's a lot of things that we experience as women of color, and that's kind of the context as women of color. These things happen and it could be daunting. You could just be like so what's the point? And just like, give up. And what I'm trying to encourage my readers and people that I talk to more broadly through the work that I do is no, we're not going to give up. This is the situation, this is the reality. But there's options for us and here are some of the options that have worked for me and I offer them to you. It's my gift to you, you know, and hopefully we can collaborate and come up with more ways to even be more successful in spite of the brokenness of the system, yeah, and I think that that's really powerful, especially as a woman and as women of color.

Chantée Christian:

Right, because there's so much right now going on around this idea of a glass ceiling and a glass cliff and what it looks like to be able to support or not support us in spaces and to really advocate for ourselves, right, and advocate for ourselves in a way that it shakes the system up, but also understanding the ecosystem to which we're a part of, right, and I think that for me, one of the biggest challenges was that I had to really get comfortable with the fact that the system wasn't built for me to succeed and I still can succeed.

Chantée Christian:

Amen, that's it At that part, yeah. And so I think that for me, when I think about how you have transitioned into your company and your business and how you want to help people, specifically women and people of color, it reminds me that there are spaces within the ecosystem that can support the system when the system is amenable to it, because that's the number one thing, right, the system has to be amenable to it or nothing will shift or change. Very interesting. What is something curious? I've had this whole introspective space lately. Obviously, I'm in an introspective space with the authors. I'm in one with myself. I'm just kind of curious.

Hady Mendez:

Why do you think that is? Because I feel like I'm every day, I'm in one with myself and just I'm just kind of curious. Why do you think that is? Because I feel like I'm every day, I'm like having these moments of like wow, and I'm like what is happening in my life right now? What do you think that's about? You think it's a season?

Chantée Christian:

Well, I think it's a few things right. I think for me it's you know, realize what you're starting until you're in it. And so I feel like, with this book, right, something for me is that almost all the authors before you all submitted to the editors. I read your chapters, which meant I was on a journey with you and I'm on my own journey, right, because this whole thing is like a dream that was in a journal that was not supposed to see the light of day.

Chantée Christian:

In my opinion and that's the thing that I love most about awareness it's like a searchlight to me. I think of awareness like a searchlight. So once the light is looking and finds a little piece, just a little itty bitty piece, of something it thinks it can shine on, it won't let go. And I feel like everything now is like oh, that too, that too, that too. And I think the power of it is realizing that, yes, you can have a lot of awareness, but what do you do with it once you find out? And that's where the magic happens.

Chantée Christian:

And so sometimes I think that, or myself I'll say, but sometimes the awareness is so overwhelming that I don't want to do anything with it and I can acknowledge it, like okay, I see that this is a thing, something that I'm going to work on just not right now, because I'm working on 20 other things, and I mean personal self things and so I think that there's some power in recognizing how they play a part in how we're seeing things Right. So, for example, you wrote your chapter. How many rounds of edits, roughly, did you go through?

Hady Mendez:

Oh my goodness. So, officially, two rounds, but I looked at that chapter every day. I couldn't read it anymore. I'm going to be honest with you. It was like I couldn't. It was like every time I looked at it I changed something else and it was really feeling like that wasn't healthy. So I was like I'm done, I feel like I'm going to trust the universe that this is, and I felt good. And can I share a story that happened with the chapter? Yeah, so I'll tell you something really interesting.

Hady Mendez:

I wrote the first draft a long time ago and, you know, circulated it to a bunch of family and friends and I got good feedback and you know I was feeling pretty comfortable with it and we know, because you and I both have been through the journey together, that it's gone through some iterations and it's in a much better place and I'm really happy and proud of it right now and just feel really good about it. But even when it was in its raw form, it actually inspired me. There was something that was happening to me and I reread my chapter and my chapter inspired me to take an action that I had never taken before. Pretty good litmus test of like. I think I got it. I think I'm onto something here. This is powerful stuff, because it even inspired me to do something different that I had never done.

Chantée Christian:

I'm like, are you going to tell us what the thing was or how we got it? I'm like, is this something we have to wait for? What?

Hady Mendez:

was it? I'll tell you what it was. I think you know what it is but I'll share with the audience. So I was interviewing with the company and it was a company that I was really excited to work for and it was a really great role and it's a very great company and I just thought it was all the way around going to be a win-win.

Hady Mendez:

And I ended up having like a meeting with the senior leaders in this company, kind of like a coffee date, and you know I guess you know we're checking each other out and everything and I walked away from that meeting feeling really depleted and really disappointed and not very appreciated by the company. I just kind of felt like you know, it wasn't a good feeling, Like I wasn't like yay, this is great, this is going to go somewhere, wonderful and and that's what I expected. But I left that meeting feeling really depleted and so disappointed that it didn't look like this was going to work out for me and I had to decide, like, do I keep going in the interviews or not? And I was already told that I was proceeding to the next round. But like that didn't bring me joy or excitement because I was so down from the interactions and some of the things, the red flags that surfaced during the coffee date, and so, after reading my chapter, I decided to withdraw from the process, and in my whole career I've never done that, because I'm one of those people that's like it'll work out. You know, let's just keep trying. I always want the best. I'll hope for the best, and you know, I think it was a conversation with you.

Hady Mendez:

Quite frankly, One of the questions you asked was like, well, do you think it's going to get better? I said that was a good question because in fact I did not. I mean, the interview process is the honeymoon period. If that's not, if it ain't going that well, then I can't expect much better after. So I had to withdraw from a job that I really wanted, but I had to do it because I had to stand up for myself. That was self-advocacy in that moment, and that's what I write about, and that's what I talk about, and so everything is related. It's like this whole full circle moment and I'm so happy for me, I'm so happy that I inspired me.

Chantée Christian:

I love that there's so much power in what I heard you say, because getting your story out allowed you to remember, to live in the moment of your truth. It's so easy for us to get caught up in the moment of your truth. It's so easy for us to get caught up in the moment of what could happen versus what's actually happening, and then, after it's happened, we're like shit, maybe I could have did this or I should have said that. And so what I heard was that you took a beat and you were reinvigorated to say you know what? No, this is actually not a good fit for me and I'm perfectly OK with saying no, thank you yeah.

Hady Mendez:

And I kind of felt like I had to practice what I was preaching. Like here I'm telling my audience, the audience hey, you got to be bold, you got to stand up for yourself, you have to know what your worth is, you have to make choices that are good for you. And then I'm sitting there in this interview and being like, oh well, maybe it'll get better, and I'm like, no, I got to walk the walk.

Chantée Christian:

So that was a very powerful moment for me and I love that because it's like what's more dope than honoring yourself?

Hady Mendez:

Not that many things, as it turns out.

Chantée Christian:

I mean honestly, it's really not and, again, by the time this airs, it won't be that day. However, today is World Compliment Day, and I think that it is so important to remember that sometimes we have to compliment ourselves, and to me, you sharing that story right and that experience is that you are literally complimenting the fact that you talk about a thing you do and walk and live in the experience of it. No one's got it all figured out. No matter what they talk about, I love Brene Brown to pieces, and one of the things that makes her so powerful to me is that she openly talks about how she's working through her own shame, her own guilt, her own vulnerability, practicing as a parent, all the things, and so I think that it's important for people to remember that, just because someone is an expert, that they too are going through the thing.

Hady Mendez:

Yeah, and I feel like it's important to like I have had brave moments, but like I have to always be brave. It's not just have a brave moment, it's like I have to be brave and being brave means as I walk through the world. There's going to be different times where I'm going to be called on to be brave and I have a choice to step into it or not. But anyway, like I just feel like this experience, this writing and reflecting and all of that has been a reminder that I'm not done being brave. It's a everyday type of opportunity.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, it's an everyday opportunity and it is to me it's almost just like brushing your teeth in the morning and washing your face. It is something that, while it's a choice, it's also part of your every day, and sometimes it looks different. Sometimes being brave is standing up and saying no, thank you, and sometimes being brave is sitting back and observing and saying I think that I'm going to go write a letter, we're going to change something about this.

Hady Mendez:

Well, and the other thing about being brave and I recently talked about this on LinkedIn, where, you know, I share a lot of content there and I was talking about fertile soil and when you self-advocate, the best scenario is that the person you're having the conversation with is open to the conversation and that it's safe and that you know there's a mutual like desire to get to a better place. And so sometimes, being brave, I get really good outcomes and I'm like, oh, that's easy, I can be brave all the time. And then sometimes I'm brave and like I get my hand slapped and I'm like, oh, I forgot that that could happen too, because it's not always the same outcome. That's also something to consider, because we take the step but we don't know what the outcome is going to be, and sometimes it could be a really positive experience and it's so rewarding and it's really encouraging. And you're like, wow, yeah, I should have. Why didn't I do this before? Like, look at the outcome. It was amazing. I could think about, like, when I've advocated for myself at work and I had a manager that was like thank you, appreciate it, I understand and I'm going to do better, and I'm like, wow, trust me.

Hady Mendez:

I've had other reactions too, which were not good, and then I get triggered when things don't go well. Then I get triggered and then I get scared again and then I want to be a cocoon and I want to not be brave. So this is definitely a work in progress and I would say that that's probably. I didn't talk about that in the chapter, but I feel like I got another chapter or maybe another book in me and those are the kinds of things that I think there's more. You know, if you double click, those are some of the realities of it, that it's not just a matter of like. Ok, I decide that I'm going to be brave today and that I'm brave in perpetuity and everything is hunky, dory, cookies and cream. It's like you may be brave, you might get a little bit fearful again and there might be reasons why that happens. And I know I get triggered and I got some workplace trauma that I'm still navigating and it contributes to that experience.

Chantée Christian:

No, absolutely, and you know I love a reframe. I swear I might be at our lab event wearing a shirt that says reframe. It's either going to say reframe or go deeper. One of the two Go deeper, you're going to get aame or go deeper, One of the two Go deeper, you're going to get a lot of eye rolls.

Hady Mendez:

Oh, it's ridiculous at this point, and I don't care, it's good, I'm a plus one on the go deeper.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, you know, like I think that bravery is scary, right, I think that in nature it is scary and, by human design, we want the reward in the immediate yes, that was a great thing that you did, thank you for doing it type of accolade and acknowledgement. However, where we grow isn't in the you did a great job moment. Thank you for standing up for yourself. It's in the moments where somebody is like, no, I don't agree with you, and we're like excuse me, because then you have an opportunity to either stand 10 toes down in it or evaluate the situation and say you know what? This isn't the route, now I need to go do something else. And it makes you move in a more strategic way and it makes you more resilient to it.

Chantée Christian:

And it's unfortunate and I will say this because I mean it I think it's unfortunate that I merely have to say that there's some resilience that has to be dealt with in being brave, especially as for me, specifically as a Black woman, saying that, however, I live in the real world and I understand that merely me just saying something could be a trigger for someone else, while that's their business.

Chantée Christian:

The impacts of it are things that I have to deal with right. And so when you talk about triggers, I wonder how you can use them in ways that that, as you talked about fertilizing that soil, give you something to really pull from. And that's not just for you, that's for our listeners too, because there's so often that we get triggered and sometimes we don't realize it, and the other times we fully know, like that pissed me off, mm-hmm, right. And then the question go deeper would be well, what about? It really just sent you Well, and nine times out of ten, it's not what just happened, it's something that happened prior to it, maybe not even with the person that had said it, done it, whatever it, but it reminds you of that one time. It's bringing you back.

Hady Mendez:

And to me, it brings me back to those moments where I wasn't standing up for myself, where I felt so powerless. And then I'm like how am I back here again? I know better and I feel powerless. You know what the F? Yeah, and know that though, because I think it's good for everybody to know that, because it's not like you, it's, this is not a one and done like. I'm like oh, now I'm gonna be brave and now everything is good. It's like okay, well, it's better, but like still, you could have moments. I know I have had moments of feeling powerless again, and and I got to like shake that off, because that is not a good place, and that's what triggers me, yeah.

Chantée Christian:

I mean, I think about all the times like I have this thing where I'm like now that's growth, because I have to acknowledge it for myself sometimes, because I'm like now, who are they talking to? Who do you think you were talking to? You talking to me? Oh, you could have. You couldn't have decided on me, right?

Chantée Christian:

If that doesn't mean it doesn't play out in my mind as a like who the fuck are you talking to? Because I can 100% guarantee you it plays in my mind. However, the growth part for me, and even the bravery, because I realized that sometimes that who are you talking to? Energy doesn't get me what I want, Because of that awareness for myself, I'm like, okay, well, if I'm true to nature of saying that I want X, then I surely can't come in. I like to call her Chantée of old. I can't come in with Chantée of old energy. I'm going to have to maybe trinkle in a little petty penny, but I'm going to have to maybe trinkle in a little petty penny, but I'm going to have to keep it in a space that still keeps us productive to the outcome. Yeah, one of the really dope things about when our book releases is that it releases the day after the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's assassination the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's assassination.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, and there's something about his ability to bring people together more so when he died than when he was alive that I get really, really, really, really, really geeked out about that. We're doing something the day after that, because he was the number one hated person in the world and yet he is now the most quoted person in the world Wild, and part of that is because people have shifted their perspectives and or bandwagons, whatever you want to call it and they see value where they didn't see value before. And I think that that's really important. When we're talking about bravery because a lot of times we're talking about our own worth and our value, and when we're being brave and our advocacy for ourselves, then people don't always see it in a moment, and sometimes it takes them some time and sometimes they'll never admit that they see it Right. And that's OK too, because the onus is not on us to do that. The onus is on us to continue to show up in a way that we can be proud of.

Hady Mendez:

Yeah, I think that's a great point, maybe said differently, or what at least I understood you say is that even if you don't get the outcome you were hoping for, you still may have got in that person's head and they might think twice about saying the same thing to someone else another time. Yeah, and I think that is valuable too. So your courage can have an impact, even if it's not the impact that you were hoping for for you. Yeah, and like that isn't. We may not know that either.

Hady Mendez:

Ps Right, like I had a conversation with a previous manager who referred to me as being disruptive and this is in the book and I had the courage to be like he mentioned them more than once. But the second time I was like could you give me an example, because that's not, that's not the second time you call me that I need to know what you're talking about. Give me an example. And they said you know that one time, when we were on a call and you were like talking about, like people that weren't even on that call and that just felt, I said I'm advocating for people, like I'm making sure that, like, even people who are not there have their voice heard, that's not being disruptive. I'm confused by, like you make it sound like it's something negative. That's not negative.

Hady Mendez:

And he was like, well, you know, we, I don't like that, or I don't know. I don't remember what he said anymore and I said I'm sorry to me, like that's, I'm going to continue to do that because that is how I show up, but because I share that story. So obviously it was an important story for me because of, like, what I learned through the experience. I hope I don't know. I hope that that was also a learning moment for him and the next time he will think twice before calling someone on his team disruptive, because he also got something out of that experience. I don't know that and, like I said, we're not always going to see the fruit of our labor, but we can hope that, if we are consistent, that the impact will be there.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, no, and I love that because, like, as soon as you said it, I thought about, like, how many seeds hit the ground but don't grow a plant or a bush or a flower, so not every seed that gets planted is going to be a thing.

Chantée Christian:

However, the more you do it, the more likelihood that it will be. I think that we're in this time, in this space where things get tricky quick, in this space where things get tricky quick, everybody has now I'm picking my words, which is rare, so everyone has, I'm going to say sensitivity, because I can't put my finger or my mind on a word right now, right, but it's a hypersensitivity to everything. No one wants to be considered to be a racist, no one wants to be considered to be a bigot. No one wants to be considered to be a racist. No one wants to be considered to be a bigot, no one wants to be considered to be sexist. However, their behavior may say differently. And so then, when being confronted about, it is considered to be this space of. Oh well, you chose this confrontation, and I think that it's important to remember that confrontation isn't bad.

Hady Mendez:

It feels like it's a dirty word, like it's being weaponized, but it's like that's the root of understanding is like well, how are we going to understand each other if we don't have a conversation about it? Right, and yeah, I was just going to say, especially in the context of work, I think a lot of people surround themselves with yes, people or like people, who are like them, and then they're like caught a little bit off guard. When you might offer a different point of view, but I still think it's important to offer it, it doesn't mean it's going to happen. They may never accept that point of view and they may dismiss it 100 percent of the time, and yet it is still our moral obligation to present it anyway.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, and I had to learn this over years of trial and error. Yeah, a whole lot of trial, a whole lot of error, but sometimes it's not what you say, it's how you say it and understanding who your audience is. And so if I know that my audience is hypersensitive to indications and allegations of racism that come blatantly straight out to it, then I'm going to come at it from a different way. That still gets us to the same conversation, because it'll disarm the defensiveness that comes along with trying to protect you. And I think that sometimes, when I think about bravery, I also think about the armor that we wear in conversations and walking around, at work, at home, in all the places. There's this teacher I feel like I've said this before, I'm having deja vu, but at any rate there's this teacher that when her students would come in, she had her husband build her a shelf and on the shelf, when the students would walk in, they would put their imaginary armor on the shelf. And part of the conversation was and the agreement was listen, while you're in here, you don't need to have your armor. However, she understood that when they walked out of her room, that the other teachers may not respect that, that the world that they live in may not respect that and that, if they needed to, they could pick back up their armor on their way out and put it back on.

Chantée Christian:

I say that because it's so true to real life that sometimes we don't even realize what our armor is right. So, like for me, my armor in the past had been perfectionism, to which some would say I still sway in that space, a lot but perfectionism. Another one would say I still sway in that space, a lot but perfectionism. Another one would be I would be very quick to advocate, but in a very I will say, a very aggressive way. No, because it was wrong, we got to do it right.

Chantée Christian:

And then the other one I would say is my mouth has always been a gift, but I had not always used it, not as a weapon, but when I felt like something was intruding or coming into a space that I had to come to a protection, I was ready. Chante of old, chante of new has some of those same things, but I do them differently, in a much more conducive way, I would say but I know what my armor is right. And so when I go outside, sometimes I pick up some of those same things, because I don't understand and know the environment that I'm going to be in, and so I'm curious what's your armor, or what has been your armor in the past?

Hady Mendez:

I'm having a little bit ask the question in a different way because I'm sure I could answer the question, but what's another way of describing armor so that I could?

Chantée Christian:

question better. What are some things that you know about yourself that you use to protect you when environments that don't feel safe?

Hady Mendez:

Yeah, wow, that's a challenging question, I think sometimes, if I don't feel safe, yeah, wow, that's a. That's a challenging question, I think sometimes, if I don't feel safe, I'll just be quiet, and that's very noticeable because I'm an extroverted person and I'm someone who is always part of the conversation. But if you say something that's like call me disruptive, I may not say anything the rest of the time. And then a lot of people are like, are you okay? And I'm like well, technically, no, I'm not OK, because, like, something happened that made me feel like I couldn't be myself in that moment. So then I shut down In the Enneagram I'm an eight.

Chantée Christian:

OK.

Hady Mendez:

And eights. That is a very common trait that I'm talking about, that we're out there and we're putting ourselves out there, but, like, if we feel betrayed or like unsafe in any way, we pull back. Then I don't trust anybody. Once somebody kind of makes me feel unsafe, I'm like is everybody unsafe? Then I bring that energy in other spaces and then guess what. It doesn't feel safe in some of those other places because I brought that energy in other spaces and then guess what, it doesn't feel safe in some of those other places because I brought that energy with me.

Hady Mendez:

Yeah, so I've noticed in my life when things are not well, like if I have a very important relationship that is not going well, I end up having like a bad month or a bad week or a bad whatever, because it just spills everywhere. It just, you know, I bring it with me, but a lot of it is just like me feeling very betrayed. That's my trigger when I feel betrayed or like you know, I trusted you and you like backstab me is what it feels like, or betrayed me in a way. I go to just the worst place ever and it just is bad.

Chantée Christian:

Well, I think that I would offer. It's not bad. It's a part of how you operate and how you conceptualize events and feelings, and I would also say that it's important for people to hear this, because so often we are taught to compartmentalize who we are at work versus who we are at home, who we are at a party or all these other things, when the truth of the matter is, you just explained the number one reason why I say we are who we are in all spaces, because if I have an argument with my partner, no matter how much I smile and grin, it is on my mind and I am like, oh, just wait until I can say the rest of what I had to say. Right, it's something that's a replay for me. Yeah, if something happens to you and you feel betrayed, regardless of what engagements that you have or what work you have, it's something that's going to continue to have a role in your day and in your life, and so then it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Chantée Christian:

And how do I stop it? Or something's wrong with me? The question is OK, I understand it, I have this awareness of it. Now what do I do with it? Managing part of it? Yeah, yeah, how do you manage it?

Chantée Christian:

Because and I think we've talked about this before I don't think you can control your feelings, like I don't care what anybody says. Controlling feelings to me is like controlling a toddler and like good luck with that. You can have all the things you want in the lunchbox and in the snack bag, and they could be like you know what, today I don't eat roachies and I don't want your Capri Sun. And then you're like but this is the best Capri Sun out there. Like you like this. Anyway, I'm telling on myself, but the point here is like that's how our feelings are, because we're not linear, and so attempting to control them usually spins them out into a sphere of even worse behavior and exposure than we had even had before. We had just let them be. One of the things that I use to recenter myself is meditation. What are some of the things that you use to recenter yourself as you see yourself in the storm of oh no, I'm pulling back.

Hady Mendez:

Yeah, a couple things. I think I walk a lot, so I know that that helps me. That's a great stress reliever and just allows me to think and just literally pound the pavement and get it out. I have some friends I have like one or two really good friends that I might check in with and be like this happened and I'm I'm bent about it Like what do you think? Usually they're good friends and they're like I would be mad too, but every once in a while they'll be like oh okay, well, have you thought about this? You know, so they might have a different point of view. This. I got a circle and people I trust, and so I might like bounce something off of a friend or whatever.

Hady Mendez:

I would say, though, one thing I like to do and I used to do this a a lot. I haven't done it a lot lately, but I'm trying to do it more now is when my mind feels really busy and this is not just reserved for when I feel like I'm spiraling, but just like in general, where I don't feel very grounded, and that includes when I shut down. I just like sitting still, and it's not for very long, thank, thank God, because I can't sit still for very long. So it's like it could be five minutes, 10 minutes, that's enough. It just kind of settles a little bit. I need to settle down.

Hady Mendez:

I am that toddler and I just need to settle down for a minute. I need to go to the corner and just be quiet. That is very helpful and I've done that before in my life Lately, because as a business owner I'm just, I have a lot that I'm thinking about and it's like, oh, maybe I could try this thing, maybe I could try this other thing. I just feel like my head is going to explode and then I'm like dreaming about things. I wake up in the middle of the night with ideas. It's just like it's too much. I'm like I just need a minute where I ground myself.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah.

Hady Mendez:

I could just write down the ideas I have and then keep it moving, so that has been helpful to me lately.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, I love that. Ooh, entrepreneurship that's a whole nother conversation, whole nother conversation. So tell me, I feel like now is a good time. What would you like to leave the people with?

Hady Mendez:

I want to encourage the people to be brave, to step into that journey of self-empowerment and owning your narrative and unleashing your awesome and shining your light. I want to encourage you to step into that, knowing that it is a journey and it is not just something, that it's not a light switch that you just say, OK, now it's on, because it's not like that. I don't want people to be like too disappointed or too hard on themselves when they might quote unquote slip back and like find themselves like what just happened? And it's like well, because it's every day. You got to like commit to it again. Well, because it's every day, you got to like commit to it again. And I feel like you know it's a muscle that we have to build. We'll get better at it, We'll get more brave, We'll encounter more challenges and we'll become even more resilient.

Hady Mendez:

There's people that I look at and I'm like every answer they give is the perfect answer. I'm like how did they get to that point in their life? I want to be there, but I'm not there yet. But like that's the goal. If you're living your truth, that consistency is going to come. Then you don't have to think that hard about it and you don't have to, it's not going to be as much work. Yeah, it's just going to come naturally and I think that's where I want to get to. But I'm just, you know, I'm on the journey, You're on the journey.

Chantée Christian:

You started, I started, thank you, thank you. Thank you, thank you for joining me on my podcast and you're welcome and to share and read and experience your story so that they can also just pick up some gems on what it looks like to have some lessons that you've learned throughout the process, so they don't have to do it too, and that's my hope too. Thank you, I enjoy talking with Hady. Her journey reminds us that true empowerment comes from owning your story, standing firm in your values and boldly speaking our truth. Her insights on navigating the complexities of being a woman of color in the workplace and advocating for yourself in spaces that weren't necessarily built for you were incredibly impactful. Thank you for joining us and remember to stop doing shit that doesn't serve you. For more information or if you'd like to reach out to us, visit at mybestshift underscore LLC on Instagram. See you later.