My Best SHIFT
You don’t attract what you want…you attract who you are! Join 2x Amazon International Best Selling Author, TV Producer/Host, Transformational Coach, and Management Consultant, Chantée Christian as she delves into the complexities of humanity. Each episode contains powerful information that will shift your mindset, provide enlightening insight, be uncomfortable at times, and encourage you to step into inspired action!
My Best SHIFT
S4:E6: Breaking Free from Mediocrity (with Ronald Jones)
Ronald Jones offers an enlightening perspective on the significance of personal connections and the power of faith. We unravel the intricate dance between networking and getting to know the person behind the resume, emphasizing the gravity of custom-tailored solutions over a one-size-fits-all approach.
He shares intimate details about the lessons learned along the way and the importance of cautious sharing about his decision with others. We engage in a compelling conversation on showcasing personal brands on social media platforms, the vital role of faith over fear, and the ultimate trust in a higher power that can shift circumstances in one's favor.
We wrap up our chat highlighting the magic of community, authenticity and discernment in decision-making. Tune in as Ronald opens his playbook on stepping away from mediocrity and taking control of personal and professional growth.
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More About Ronald: Ronald L. Jones, a renowned relationship and personal development coach who has helped countless individuals find happiness and fulfillment in their personal and professional lives. With a passion for empowering people to reach their full potential, Ronald blends expert knowledge and years of experience to create tailored coaching programs that inspire positive change and growth. Whether it's learning to better manage relationships, creating a positive work-life balance, or simply discovering one's purpose, Ronald has a talent for guiding others towards their greatest potential, maximizing the moment, shifting their focus from obstacles to opportunities, and creating the space and place for life to happen.
Connect with Ronald via Instagram | LinkedIn | TikTok | Website
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INSPIRED ACTIONS/THOUGHTS FOR THIS EPISODE:
In what ways are you operating in a space of mediocrity?
What would it look and feel like to leverage a community of support?
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Hello good people. This is Chantée Christian and you are listening to the my Best Shift Podcast. In today's episode, Ronald a Fan Fave and I will talk about stepping away from being mediocre and into our greatness. Hey, ronald, how are you doing today?
Ronald L. Jones:I am well, how are you?
Chantée Christian:I'm doing alright. I'm so glad people cannot hear what we talk about in this alleged green room that I got over here. Oh my goodness. But before we get into it, why don't you tell the people who don't know I don't know where they've been, but we might have some new people in the family and let them know who you are.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, my name is Ronald Jones. I serve as a coach, consultant, trainer, instructor, all things relationship development yeah, that's it. Typically, people say, run your elevator pitch. I'm just like, ah, it's not time for that. This is what I do. Sit down with me, we can have a conversation. I'm not selling anything. This is who I am. Oh what do you do? I help people solve problems. That's it, that's my elevator pitch.
Ronald L. Jones:I help people solve problems. I connect people to their solutions, that's it. And it looks different depending on where your problem is located, who your problem is with, because if it's an internal problem, then that's some heavy work. If it's problems with others, then it's like okay, cool, that's still some heavy work, because first we got to start with me, first Say so, and then we go to WeSecond and so, yeah, that's what I do, I help people solve their problems.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, I like that because somebody asked me the other day they were like so, like when you were in corporate, what did you do? And I'm like why are we here? How did we get here? And I was like, because consulting to people who don't do consulting it's like explaining what. What was her name? And then Harry Washington did on scandal, like we're fixers, we are problem solvers, we are connectors and agents of change. And when I say that people are like so what did you do Exactly? I did that. I did that. So, no, I like that.
Chantée Christian:I had your friend on here and I actually did tell the people about himself in the whole episode ended up being about telling people who he was. So, lord, but it was good though, I was just like friend. He was like you know me for 20 years. I'm like I get it, but it's not just me. And so I'm laughing because at this point, I've been on your podcast. You've been on my podcast. We've worked on some other things together. By the time people hear this, they will be able to see our show together. We are on the big screen, we are on the TV y'all, and so each one of those you've had to introduce yourself.
Ronald L. Jones:And it's funny because people will be like that's not all you do. Well, that's that's all I'm here to talk about. What do you want to talk about? Like, that's it, that's it, and through what I share, you'll get what I do.
Chantée Christian:Absolutely.
Ronald L. Jones:Absolutely, and so I don't really like to give people a packaged version, because you may not need all of the things that I'm putting in the package Fair.
Chantée Christian:And that's not what you're here for.
Ronald L. Jones:That's not what I'm here for.
Chantée Christian:And that's what I love about custom packaging, because you can determine how it's tailored right and who is tailored to. And if you decide to add a little or take a little, it's up to you. And I think that we just like I feel like we get caught up in. Well, if you can't run me your elevator pitch, then I can't work with you, or how do I know what you have, or how are you going to help me? And I'm like I blame social media, because people have the extension span of 30 seconds to be able to hear and get. Oh, yep, I can feel it. You have a podcast, I can feel it. No, I actually have a podcast. Go listen to it. It's more than 30 seconds. I'm a host, I produce it, you know from this part of the bank anyway. Right, and so it's just like what if we just took the time to hear people.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, in most of my previous roles, I despise going to networking events.
Chantée Christian:Ooh, networking.
Ronald L. Jones:Let me. Let me say it this way, because you know we family. I despise going to non black networking events. I hate going all of them. Typically. I can say stuff to you in our cultural context to let you know we not fit to sit here and run each other's resume. Let's have a conversation because when I network I want to find out who you are as a person. You can tell me what you've done, who you are, I mean and what you do, and that means nothing because if it doesn't match up with who I see or who I'm being presented with, I'm not going to be interested in doing anything with you because it's out of alignment.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, yeah, that's good Because, when you think about it right, your resume got you to this spot. Yes, unless you're a plus one. I mean, there are those options, but for the most part, you got here because of your resume.
Ronald L. Jones:So now, show me who you are. The resume is a receipt.
Chantée Christian:Oh, say that one more time.
Ronald L. Jones:Your resume is a receipt right.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because of these past tense.
Ronald L. Jones:It's things I've done, it's places I've been. It's places or companies I've worked for skills that.
Ronald L. Jones:I have honed or tools that I have gained throughout the years that are indicated on my resume. It's a receipt, but it shows me what you have done. It doesn't show me what you are capable of doing with what you've done, because what's to be written is up to you. So you telling me what you've done, that's nice. Did you do it because that was the responsibilities of your role or did you do it because you were passionate about it?
Ronald L. Jones:And if you're passionate about it, we can have a conversation about it, and that will let me know so much more than when you were. Oh well, I work for this company and typically when I go to network and events, I was like I don't want to hear where you work or where you went to school.
Chantée Christian:So you're just trying to shoot down their whole everything, because that's part of their 32nd elevator pitch.
Ronald L. Jones:And it's rehearsed. Don't give me this. What makes you get out of bed every morning to go do the things you just said you had to do?
Chantée Christian:Sir, you know that people don't know that answer Now. Ok, so let me ask you this so you propose that to them, and how many people are able to pick up and say you know what I really love talking to people, I love helping people, I love being able to teach and impact the world and blah, blah, blah. Without being like hold on, I'll come back to you, or not?
Ronald L. Jones:There's a pause, right, and then I go into coach mode. I said you are looking for a right thing to say to me. No one knows more about you than you know about yourself, yeah, yeah, yeah, if you say right now, brother, the only reason I'm getting the hell out of my bed is because I got bills. Yeah, talk to me about that, Because you may hate your job, but you keep going Because you got bills. There's a bigger picture, but it also means that there's some untapped potential that you want pulling from.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, yeah, yeah, and so if you hate this job.
Ronald L. Jones:I'm not trying to tell you quit your job, even though I'm an advocate for it, but I am trying to say, like yo, if it's rough to get out of bed because X, y and Z, then you need to identify what will get you out of bed.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, and you know it's interesting too that we're talking about this. You have said this on numerous occasions on your own platform and other places around when you have a vision, write it down. And I've been listening to a lot of sermons, motivational speaking. I don't know what we're going to call them these days, but at any rate, they've been talking about vision and they've been talking about having the right people at the right time in the right space. They've been also talking about how God put a vision on one person, but it takes the people to be able to make it come to fruition and come to life. And I think about networking events in that same space, because my experience has been that someone wants you to sell you to them just so that they can say, yes, I know exactly who could work with you, or my company would like to work with you. That's why I don't like it. It feels like slavery to me. It feels like a version of a combine, but with skill sets.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, what can you do for me? Literally, what can you do for me? What can you produce? Yes, and I am of the mindset. I just want to know who you are as a person, because I can connect you to anybody. But if you're not passionate about the things that you're telling me about and I connect you to someone, it is. Now. It looks bad for me and so I don't do the connecting thing unless I know you as a person.
Chantée Christian:Yeah Well, and I don't do the connecting thing unless I know that both of you are serious about the thing, because I'm coming out of it, I don't really give a damn how y'all operate once I leave, but to know that Chantée was the connector meant that the two of you are serious about one responding about whatever the thing is. Because, if I thought it then that meant that there was something that I heard, that I saw, that reminded me of both of you or whatever that looks like. And so I think that it's also important for people to remember, because I have a lot of clients that do this. They think that when they start telling you about them and what they're passionate about, that it is taking the light away from why they're at a networking event. Yeah, and we do so much work on.
Chantée Christian:Ok, when you knew you were going to this networking event, what was the outcome that you wanted? Well, you wanted to meet new people. You wanted to have some potential network, some potential opportunities. That leads to some collaborations. Why would I want to collaborate with you if all you tell me is where you work, where you graduated which was like 20 years ago or more and what your current role? No one cares really that much.
Ronald L. Jones:Don't.
Chantée Christian:I don't leave saying, oh my god, I met the VP. No, I'm barely trying to remember your name. I'm like, oh yeah, I met the person that had on that red jacket. You remember that red jacket?
Ronald L. Jones:Like I don't know, it's exhausting, those damn networking and I'm also not big on company names, Like someone was like oh yeah, well, you know, I've been at Google for X, Y and Z. Ok yeah, that's good. Are you in for field? No, of course not, of course not. I feel good at night and now, as we have experienced, a lot of these big names have produced their workforce. Yeah, yeah.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:And I'm looking on LinkedIn and I see people where they say X Google or X Meta and I'm just like use this real estate for something else. Build something for yourself here. Like stop selling the company. This is not free marketing here. Utilize what you're capable to do, what you're able to bring to the table and let's get connected that way.
Chantée Christian:I heard something that's good. I heard something yesterday had to be yesterday where they said we spend so much time devoting our energy, our lives, our livelihood, sacrificing our health and all the other things for someone else's company, for someone else's visions, for someone else's dream, and we won't do it the same for ourselves, and specifically in the black community. I'm like, where did that come from? Like why won't we just bet on us? And when others, when we decide to bet on us and say you know what I'm out deuces, what does support look like and sound like? Because I can tell you what it don't.
Ronald L. Jones:So it's good right, because we've been in conversation. I left my nine to five.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, welcome, it was time. Welcome to the club.
Ronald L. Jones:Right, it was time because I was ready to slap Like anybody could have got it on any day. And so I recognize that I remember my mentor said if you stay longer than the assignment, you undo the work you've done. Yeah, so I was like, ooh, I gotta go, I gotta, I gotta. I have to really remove myself from this right. My mental health was suffering and it was time to go In that space. I had to be careful who I shared my decision with.
Ronald L. Jones:Because a lot of people couldn't join me in the space of faith that I was operating out of.
Chantée Christian:Ooh, that's good.
Ronald L. Jones:And it was sad, but, like I mean, I didn't care who you were. If I knew you were operating out of fear, it didn't match up with where I was operating out of faith. Yeah, because I didn't need to hear. Oh no, what are you going to do? For? Have you do this Like I didn't need to go into panic mode, right? Because once the decision has been made delete side kill off.
Chantée Christian:I deleted and killed off any other option of staying.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, I had to go and I was at peace with it. Right, it was. Anything that's brought to you with confusion is not from God. Anything that comes to you with clarity comes from God, right, so there was no confusion about me exiting. I think the only thing that was confusion for me was trying to figure out what was the right time, but then I recognized that that was a fear move, not a faith move. Oh, yeah, it was going to keep me in a situation because it's familiar, because I know that, oh, if this happens, then this is going to be the result, and I'm used to this and I can handle this.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:So fear keeps you in a comfort zone, and so when I recognize that, like I mean family and friends and foes, I had to be very careful with who I told my decision to, because one I'm not defending my decision. Well, what are you going to do about this and what were you going to be able to? That's not for you to figure out, yeah, and it's also not for me to figure out, nope. No, I'm like Peter, I'm stepping on the water.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:And one thing that I learned about that whole entire experience when you were called into a new situation and when you were called to step onto the water, God doesn't just keep you from falling in the water. God will change the place that your feet is going to step on so that you won't fall to begin with Right. So it wasn't just a change in a Peter's mindset. The water change to accommodate Peter's weight.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:But we're not looking at the whole entire thing like God's like oh, you got, you got to get out, you got to walk. Yes, Not only am I going to get out and walk, he's going to remove the fear from walking on the water. It's not going to be water that I'm walking on.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Because of the transmarcification. But that only happens when you push out the fear and you go to faith, right? So the support for me was going to the individuals that I knew. Now, I also didn't want to go to people that was like clapping and cheering me on because, oh, this is what I did, because I hated my job. It's like, nah, I need people to be like, all right, cool, take this time rest process. Let me know how I can support. Yeah, do you need me to send you jobs? Are you looking for a job? Do you need me to send you clients? Are you looking for clients? Do we need to go to the Capital One arena and watch a game to take your mind off of stuff?
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:That's what support looked like for me, especially within this space, right? I don't need people to try to figure stuff out for me.
Chantée Christian:Oh, that's good.
Ronald L. Jones:Come sit in the space where I am, even if you can only sit for 45 minutes on your lunch break at of your nine to five.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, I just want to make sure I got out of bed and that I ate.
Chantée Christian:Like yo you good. No, but that's real.
Ronald L. Jones:That's what support looks like, yeah.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, no, that's good. I remember I knew, like you said, around confusion, but for me it was decision. Like once I came to the decision and there was no waffling, there was no ooh. I looked at this spreadsheet and spread these coins how many different ways? I just don't know. Ooh, I'm really going to walk away from all of this. I just don't know. I hate these people. Like it was, it was literally like. I'll never forget.
Chantée Christian:It was the day after my birthday. I came back to work. I had the worst working day in my entire working career and I have been working since I was nine Okay, nine Working with children as a babysitter, cpr certified. Okay, I was in school systems for Virginia in high school, worked for a lot of those big name companies. Worst day ever. I mean, I used to in college. A lot of people don't know this, so if anyone ever hears this and will have a trivia, they'll know I used to sell windows in college, so I would go knocking on people's doors. I was terrible. I don't even know how many I sold. I didn't do it long. But the point is that that was bad and this was worse. Got it, got it.
Chantée Christian:So I said that I was like I told my significant other at the time I think today is the day and he was like for what? I was? Like, so quit, I am leaving this place. And he was coming with all of the worry and I was like uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh, I don't need that seeping in because I feel it. I felt a difference in me where the decision had been made. All I had to do was believe that that was the decision, right, yeah. And so I said, okay, can't talk to you, let me, let me, let me bring it back, right. And then that was already a flag. But I was like, all right, I can't talk to you. Cool, who the hell can I talk to? Because I hadn't seen people do what I had done to that point and say, fucking, I'm out. Yep, and who can I talk to? That, I know, is going to have literally my best interest at heart, and not from their own fear place, but from a space of helping me think it out right.
Chantée Christian:Yep.
Chantée Christian:And so I said my daddy, if I can't talk to my daddy, then I can't talk to nobody. And so I was like all right, daddy, I think that's it, I can't do this anymore. I can't do this anymore. And I had already had other contracts and other things, and so it wasn't like I was just walking out with no job or no money coming in or whatever. He was like well, I mean, if you think it's time, I was like just oh okay, all right, wait a minute.
Ronald L. Jones:This person though.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, he said you know you can make that spreadsheet, do whatever you wanted to do, and I saw well.
Ronald L. Jones:And that's on God right there.
Chantée Christian:That's it, that's kind of I said, well, yeah, you're right, you're right. And while I'm talking to him, I got the spreadsheet up right. I just closed my laptop Right, because just because you jump and you walk on faith anyway does not mean you don't have fear.
Ronald L. Jones:Right, oh, absolutely, we're human.
Chantée Christian:We're human, and so when he said that, it reminded me that it's okay, and he was like you had all these skills and certifications you got, how hard is it going to be for you to go find a job if you really wanted to go find another?
Chantée Christian:nine to five, I said you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. All right, cool. And then I went and talked to one more person because I was just like let me just close the circle, because for me it was a circle Right, because there are people who were mentors that I had walked through this whole experience with. I said I don't know why you're still there. She said you hate it. There you come to life when you do your own thing. Yeah, and life is short. She said people think that life is this thing that we're like oh well, you know I'm 40 and you know I've lived this much of my life. But what if you die at 45? And really you're old.
Ronald L. Jones:What if you die at 41.
Chantée Christian:You ancient right.
Chantée Christian:So it's not about how long we live, is about what we do while we're here and what we do with the faculties that we have while we're here. And you know, like her conversation wasn't really much about me leaving or staying, it was about who was I saying I am and was I being true to me as the longer that I stayed and I said you know what you write, you're right, you're right. We went to the gym and I was like all right, god, if they call me before I can get out of this gym. It's only like popcorn. They text and call us up. Well, damn, all right.
Chantée Christian:I guess today, today and I had never felt good about leaving a job because there was some sort of remorse always where I wanted to make sure that my team was good. I wanted to make sure that they had everything that they needed. I want to make sure that our clients had what they needed. There was always a wanting to make sure everybody had what they needed. This time it was like the heavens had opened and doves were flying over top of my head. I was like this is the best thing ever and I still had concern for my team, but I had faith that I had set them up in a way that they could do it without me, that the clients would be good without me, and even if they couldn't, so what they're going to be without me.
Ronald L. Jones:It is what it is and I think that's where I was right. I'm trying to make sure all these things are in place and I was coaching someone and I said something and I was like, ooh, that wasn't for you, that was for me One second. I wrote it down and then I picked up where I left off with the client and I was like I'm putting all these things in place. If they get sick of me and want to fire me, I wouldn't have the opportunity to put all the stuff in place and say it again. My job isn't to create things and put in place for everyone on my team. They all bring skills and experience to where they can do this. Figure the shit out.
Chantée Christian:No, for real, Figure it out. Yeah, yeah, and I know that sometimes people listen to my podcast and I'm like you know, chanté's a strong advocate for quitting your job. Sometimes I am, and sometimes I'm like maybe you should reconsider the timing Right. Or I don't have any kids, I don't have people that are dependent on me and their health insurance and all of the life and things.
Ronald L. Jones:That looks different yeah.
Chantée Christian:I could take a different kind of risk on me. Right, and I understand that and I get that. I also know that this isn't my first business. I've built a network and a community that has been put in place because of God. Right, when you said he makes sure that the water can hold you, making sure the community can support you yeah, right, and making sure that, even when you make a left, when you got that right over there that it's still a space, that is a learning space always, yeah, absolutely, but a safe space, like actual safe, not well, I don't know. I don't really want to tell them that they're going off the deep end with that one. No, you need people that are going to say that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard, and then for you to be able to either say you know what you're right, it was pretty dumb or no, it's actually one of the most brilliant ideas I've ever had, and let me tell you why Because those are the people that are going to help you make it great.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, yeah. And because when you're in that space, I always tell people when you're so close, you're so deep into, so close to the mirror, and then you're so deep into your situation, we have blind spots.
Chantée Christian:Oh, absolutely.
Ronald L. Jones:And so I need someone that can see from the side how I'm moving and say hey, hey, you hesitating on your left, you hesitating on your left. I don't know what it is, but what I'm seeing is. You may not see it, you may not even think you're doing it, but let me show you.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Right. I need people to say not that I'm doing it wrong. Let me show you what you're doing.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, right, and so I need someone to teach me or to be to know where I am and speak the language of the space and the place that I'm in.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Right, because if I'm not in a space of fear, I don't need you come speaking in the fear language to me, right? And you got to. Even in the space, while you're going through things, you have to use a strong spirit of discernment, Right? I remember I was getting ready to tell one of the old ladies at my church God rest her so she adopted me as her grandson when my grandmother passed away. And so she said I was getting ready to say something and she took her cane and tapped my foot, the weight, and I looked like did you drop something? And she just she didn't make a face or nothing, and I was getting ready to say it again and she tapped me harder. So now I'm looking at her like, and then she got the cane over. I'm sorry, babe, can you get that for me? I go to pick it up. She says shut up.
Ronald L. Jones:And I was like what she said don't say nothing else. So the lady walks away. And she was like see, you was telling too much. Everybody that's praying for you ain't praying for your benefit. Ooh, ooh, say it, baby, I was 17. I didn't live long enough to know this. And she said don't say nothing else. She said you. She said uh-uh, and sometimes people will take advantage of individuals that haven't fully tapped into their discernment.
Chantée Christian:You know what? And sometimes you've tapped into your discernment and you still don't know, because the devil wasn't angel. Okay.
Ronald L. Jones:He was.
Chantée Christian:Jesus trusted Judas, even though he knew what Judas would do.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, but also within the gift of discernment. I always hear my mentor say he was like. I said you was going to be here for a good time, not a long time. Ooh, I said, wait, he ain't saying it was going to be good. He said, but you got what I was saying.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:He was like. Oftentimes we'll hear hey, that's the one.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:And we think that's going to be my one and only.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, and he was like no, that's the one that's going to help you out of this situation. That's the one that's going to connect you to the places that I'm trying to take you. That's the one that's going to give you the information that you don't have to solve the problem that you didn't create. That's the one for this purpose.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:So within that thing of discernment, sometimes we don't listen for the whole sentence.
Chantée Christian:Listen, comprehension is a mug.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, yeah, we don't listen for the full sentence.
Ronald L. Jones:Sometimes we hear the first part because it sounds good and it's what we want.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, yeah, it's the one oh.
Ronald L. Jones:God said that this is the one. And so now you at the altar with this dummy because you I mean I mean because you were dummy- yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Two dummies, two big dummies, about to say I do to something that you don't even know what you're about to get. I told one of my couples that were married I said you shouldn't have gotten married. The woman got offended. The brother looked at me, was like man, I'm glad somebody said it Right, so I'm cracking up. She's like how dare you? I said why did you want to get married? Oh, you know, that's what we're supposed to do and blah, blah, blah. Supposed to do according to what? And then he was like well, you know, I loved her. I was like love ain't enough when the other person don't take out the trash and it's full Love, love them.
Chantée Christian:Love, don't live here anymore.
Ronald L. Jones:Love, don't take out the trash. Get your ass off the couch and stop pushing it down in the trash. Can so take it out? Love ain't going to stop somebody from snoring, right, it's the small things like. Love is not enough for these relationships. You got married because someone told you that that's what you were supposed to do. That's what you had to make an honest woman out of. What does that even mean? How do you make someone honest If you don't go to therapy and get your life together first?
Chantée Christian:I gave an example, y'all can't even see me the way I'm looking at him right now.
Ronald L. Jones:I gave an example to one client. I said have you ever painted before? He was like yeah, I was like so we got canvas and I give you paint and a container of water for your paint brushes. I'll give you some paint brushes and I say paint, use all the colors. And you use all the colors and you take your brush after you use it on the canvas and all the paint and you put it in the container with water and you take it out, you wipe it off, make sure there's no more paint and you go back and get another painting.
Ronald L. Jones:I said what happens if she beside you needs water for her brushes? Do you pour the dirty water into her cup? They just looked at me. I said no, don't get me wrong, the water is still going to serve purpose. But if she has a blank canvas, she's using your dirty water that you poured into her. What do you think is going to do to her brushes? He just said they're like the water is still going to do what the water is going to design to do, but not an intent and the level that it could have. So we got to be careful because we're going to just go around and pour it into others and we haven't cleaned out our cup. Everything that we need to work on. We're pouring into other people, my insecurity pouring into you, my fear pouring into you. It looks different. I could put a bowl on chicken shit and say it's chicken salad.
Chantée Christian:I don't know who you're selling it to, but these people, they can't see. However, what this is reminding me of and it's so good is reminding me of a conversation my dad and I had about how parents sometimes a lot of times, most times project their own shit on their kids.
Ronald L. Jones:My God.
Chantée Christian:Their own fears, their own insecurities, their own inabilities, their own anxiety. And all of a sudden, it's this kid. But hold on, hold, on, hold on this blank canvas came into this space. Now. They had an agreement on how they would come into this world and what they would do. The stuff that you put on them isn't them. All of a sudden, they're afraid of heights. They've never been nowhere high, but you can't even go walk upstairs without getting ready to lose your mind. We were talking about it from a perspective of life, careers and all the things and how parents think that they are steering their children down the right path. I would hate to break this to any parents out there. There is no right path. Now there's some guidance, there's some structure, but there's no right path. No right path.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Chantée Christian:And being able to recognize that you can only take your child as far as you've gone.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, that part, that part.
Chantée Christian:And so finding people in your community. However, you want to create said community, to make sure, come on.
Ronald L. Jones:It's a relay race and you got to pass the baton. Yes, that problem with a lot of people within the black community. I remember running relays. Right, we had to say hand, because that meant the baton is nearing and it's time for the transition. Yeah, we're not. When one, we're not communicating, we're not letting people know that it we're nearing. When it's time for the handoff, yeah, and we're not letting go. When the baton hits the other person's hand, it's the let go.
Ronald L. Jones:I've never been so. I want you to teach my child this, but I'm going to tell you how to do it. Come on. And then I'm going to come and tell my child how to operate in the space in which I've never been, and that you're teaching. But I'm going to tell him oh well, you know he said X, Y and Z, but this is how you really supposed to do it. No, no, we don't allow others. I had a conversation with an older family member and I said the reason why your child is getting what it's getting is because you are continuing to give them the only thing that you got. Oh, and so until you start to allow him to experience different, he won't get different. Yeah, yeah, and so at this point you need to recognize I've done what I was supposed to do. Now I need to find individuals who can pour in right.
Ronald L. Jones:I remember growing up my grandmother taught me how to tie tie and then when it was time for me to buy bow tie, my grandmother passed away. Mom looked at me like I don't know how to tie that. She looked at me like I ain't even going to try. But she called somebody to be like hey, I needed cuff links once. So she called somebody was like you got any cuff links? Oh, say less. And so like my mother was very intentional with putting me in the spaces and places to get what I needed when she couldn't give me that lesson or have that conversation Right. And what I constantly see is that we have individuals, especially within the black community, that are complaining that their child doesn't do X, Y and Z.
Ronald L. Jones:I said well, why don't you put them in the hands of someone who can? Oh well, you know, I got to know, you got to get out the way.
Chantée Christian:But see, that's the thing right. When we're controlling, we're operating from a space of fear.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah, right.
Chantée Christian:And we are missing the space of intention. Yeah, our intent and our impact are not, are not one and the same. They're not. And because of the unhealed trauma that has been plagued over the black community, yeah, there is that why I can't leave my child with those people. Well, I don't really know them like that. I had a lot of out of, out of and in that.
Chantée Christian:And I'm not saying leave your children with any of everybody. That is not what I'm saying. Let me just be really clear, because anybody that knows me as an auntie, I'm like who, who that is? What's their name? Who they people, let me go with the address. They say Listen, I'll go run the report real quick just to make sure ain't nothing crazy happening over there. Because we got a community, okay, yeah, and I don't have no secret clearance to hold, no more. My bona fide crazy is back. But I said and I'm not, no, I'm dead serious Like, don't mess with my babies. Like I ain't got nothing but them right there, don't mess with them, yeah, yeah. And I say, though, we have to be able to recognize who we're keeping community with.
Ronald L. Jones:That's it, that's good.
Chantée Christian:And when people say you know, people are always like, oh well, they had access to this stop because if I don't know what the Google, I don't know what I'm looking for, yeah, right, yeah.
Chantée Christian:And so there is not a space where I say, oh well, you should know. No, however, you see, you know your child right now better than they do, and so you see them going in directions where you can Google and you can find resources. You can find people. Pick up one of those phones and those Facebook groups Instagram, tiktok, all of these places that you go. Find the people that can help your child where they are, to help them get to where they want to go, not where you think they should be.
Ronald L. Jones:And the issue, the biggest issue, is if I hand off my child to someone, they won't need me anymore.
Chantée Christian:That's it. That's it, and so my mom is going to kill me, but I'm going to tell the story anyway, oh Lord.
Ronald L. Jones:I have nothing to do with this.
Chantée Christian:Well, and she'll tell her version of it, but this is how I recall it. So my dad was in the army, active duty, and my mom was working here or there she was. They, my parents, are at the end of the boomer space in generations and my mom wasn't into, like other people in weird, odd, different states and countries, watching me, okay, cool. Well, she let one of her friends babysit me. Missy and Missy, if you listen to you know I love you. Well, one day I came home and I was calling Missy mom. Well, el Nor Janice Christian was not here for her only child to be calling anybody my mama, none of that.
Chantée Christian:I see Missy for months and months and months later. Instead of right, this is an opportunity to grow my strong woman network, missy, hey, daughters. Missy's husband was also in the military at the time. She's remarried now, but you know all of the things. So what it did? Young version of me not realizing that there's this space of community with other women. My mother and I are having a conversation a few years ago and she expressed to me how it hurt her to know how close I was to some of the other women that were in my life, and these other women were motherish figures, and what I explained to her in that moment was they had something that I needed, that I didn't know I needed and you weren't there to give it, and they helped me get through certain phases of becoming a woman.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Chantée Christian:And it's unfortunate that, the way that our community is, at times there is a space of jealousy there versus a space of the support that we started this conversation talking about, because without those women and my mother I would not be who I am today.
Ronald L. Jones:Absolutely.
Chantée Christian:Right, along with some men and some other things. But those women showed me that one having everything is silly, like that whole idea of I come home, I cook the bacon. I got the family, I got the kids. They were like, listen, if he can't make that bacon he might be hungry. And if you think that that's what a marriage looks like, you gonna be hungry too.
Ronald L. Jones:Starving.
Chantée Christian:Outnourished and right, they helped me get through my 20s. And so then, when I could step back in my 30s and I'd be like, oh, that's what mama per year meant, or that's what Tracy was talking about, oh, because that's the other thing. Right, people think that they're going to get their lessons all at one time.
Ronald L. Jones:No, they don't. I'm still learning lessons that my grandmother spoke when I was a kid.
Chantée Christian:Listen. I'm like, so I say that to say, though, the ability to let go Because we don't need you anymore, that's a. That's a false narrative that can be healed.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah.
Chantée Christian:Because your value is not in my growing up. That's not your value. Your value is also not in being a friend. Yeah, yeah, you have a role to play, and part of again I say it often I don't have kids, and part of where I see the turn happen is where I'm. They're trying to be your friend versus being the guiding ship that you require.
Ronald L. Jones:And that looks different too. Absolutely, because I had to pull one of my homeboys to the side. Hey, hey, hey, you, you, you driving too fast. Please look at me. I said the first part of your conversation perfect. The second part was you. He just looked at me. I said think about what you just told your children. Think about what was the most important part of that conversation. The first part, yeah, you right, you could have went without that, cause you know when I it's not about you. You want them to get out of the situation. Put a period there, step back, take your hand off of it and allow them to figure it out. We do this with I know I keep going on side bunny trails, but we do this with also the healing process.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:We will experience something and think, oh, if I take this Advil, my head ain't going to be gone. And so we apply this same principle in relationships with grief anything we need to heal from.
Ronald L. Jones:I remember I was talking to someone the other day. They was like yo, if I just I just get a good cry, I'll be good. I just need a good cry to let it out and then I'll be good. I said you won't be, cause you're forcing it and this won't be what your body needs. So you're going to force yourself to cry. Your body is going to respond for what you're forcing it to do. But when your body works out all of the things that's inside that needs to come out, you're going to cry again Like clockwork. There's nothing you can do about it. There's nothing you can do about it.
Ronald L. Jones:So we keep, we try to rush people's learning experiences. Well, you know, I want them to get this, cause they bought the move of college and they got to get it. And if they don't, what then? What then? People get so mad when I say this. And what happens if that doesn't happen? What they need to know, they do need to know, but they may not right now, they may not get it. Guess what. They going to keep messing up and they going to realize you can't do this and eventually it's going to cost them. Well, I'm trying to prevent that. But see, the prevention of pain is also the prevention of progress.
Chantée Christian:But the prevention of pain is delusional, because you actually don't stop it.
Ronald L. Jones:It's going to show up and it's going to hit even harder Because they're going to be in a space in place where they have not been prepared for the pain that's coming.
Chantée Christian:Yes.
Ronald L. Jones:If I fall down on my bike, it hurts, yes. And so sometimes we operate in fear. We won't get back on the bike because we know it hurts, yes. Or when we get on the bike, we know, hey, remember what I did last time, I don't want that to happen. So what do I need to do? I need to keep pedaling, yeah, or I need to be able to get this under control. And so you learn from that. Pain makes one thing, thought makes one wise, and wisdom makes life bearable. You learn from those moments of pain, and the moment we try to force the pain out or we try to speed up the healing process, we end up crippling ourselves.
Chantée Christian:Yep Every time.
Ronald L. Jones:I remember my friend. He hurt his ankle and he thought he could just wrap it up and put all this extra support on it, wear special shoes that were tight and he would be good. And he never told his parents that he hurt his ankle, but he kept doing what he was doing. So not only was his ankle injured, he was furthering the injury, and so what should have been two weeks off resulted in him being in a cast or a boot for like six months. Wow, because it broke. He went from an injury right To like permanent damage.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:Because he was trying to heal up the process. Oh, this is what I need, and we do this when we're talking into children, when we're talking to other people. I told my therapist I got to a point where, by my nature, I am a healer. I want things to be better, I want people to be better, and so anything that I can do to make situations better, I just I do. I feel, let me do. And I had to get to the point where I may be a healer and this may not be the space and place for me to give my healing to.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:So sometimes I got to sit by and allow and watch someone suffer. Sometimes I got to be in the room and see somebody. They I didn't told them. I know what's about to happen. You about to fall, you about to injure yourself. We got to go to the hospital, you gonna be laid up and I can prevent this, or I can allow you to experience this because you didn't listen the first time. Somebody told you not to do it.
Chantée Christian:And.
Ronald L. Jones:I realized that I was robbing people of the experience to experience, yeah. And so people's like why didn't you if you knew this was gonna happen? Why didn't you say something? Cause I did. I did. My job was to give light to the situation and I told you hey, if you do this, x, y and Z's are gonna happen. You're careful, I didn't speak it into existence. It was cause and effect. Absolutely so now you know not to do it again.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:I mean people get mad when you was just sitting there and you saw them doing it Yep, they got learned. Now I ain't gonna let somebody run into traffic blindfolded, I'll trip them.
Chantée Christian:Wait, I would like this call to end. Oh wait, we're not on it, I'll trip them.
Ronald L. Jones:But like, if this is what you wanna do, I'm gonna trip your blade. That's probably not a good idea. This is why. But if you keep putting on the blindfold and keep walking into traffic, then that must be your will. I don't know what to tell you, but it's not my job to interfere, interrupt whatever process you got going on.
Chantée Christian:No, it's not, it's not.
Ronald L. Jones:And we gotta be careful that we don't assume the role in which we have not been called to fulfill.
Chantée Christian:There it is, there it is, and I think it also. We as healers, I think, also get distracted sometimes and we forget what our purpose in the space is, right? So what is that assignment? And in that, sometimes the assignment is to show up and not to heal, right, yeah, yeah. So I think that is also important, to know that protecting peace is important. So, like to me, what I heard you telling your therapist was listen, I'm robbing the people of their experience and I am not at peace. I'm not at peace because these knuckleheads got me over here doing and being where. I just came to sit down on the couch. I just came to sit at the table. Mind my business Now. Mind my business, your business. I'm tired by the time I get home and all I came to do was say hello.
Ronald L. Jones:Exhausted and to that point I had to stop showing up when I was only invited because of the gift of healing.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, yeah.
Chantée Christian:Yeah, it's like answering the phone when you know that one friend only wants to talk to you about whatever woe they have, so that you can help them get through it. Hit replay on something that I said before because I'm tired.
Ronald L. Jones:Or I'll say hey, I know we chatted about this a couple of weeks ago. What did you do as a result? Like, what actions did you take? Nothing, get somebody else to do it. You got to call and I will literally explicitly tell people. You do not have permission to call me and talk to me about this anymore. I wish you will call me about something else. We've talked about this multiple times. You're not gonna leave the situation because you feel this co-dependence. That's cool. I don't wanna hear about it ever again.
Chantée Christian:I'm like I don't let my clients come to me with the exact same topic, with the exact same scenario, multiple times. Now, maybe if we got to it at the end and we didn't finish it out all right, we could flush that out, but what you're not gonna do is keep sitting up here talking to me and you're not realizing you're the common denominator and they pay me. So you think that I'm about to pick up your. I love you, but you think I'm about to pick up your call when I know this. No, I'm sorry, you silly, you're dumb, and because you're not a client and you're not paying me, I'm liable to say that this is dumb. This is dumb. And sometimes my clients might also hear me say this is dumb. Why are you doing this? Or, as they say, I'll look at them as if I'm saying this is dumb and I let them figure it out, because you are not here. I'm not your problem solver, that's not my job.
Ronald L. Jones:Now I saw problems, facts and it looks different.
Chantée Christian:Every time.
Ronald L. Jones:I've been in relationship with people and they will look at me and I'm like what do you think I should do? You should pray on it Now I got the solution, but clearly your ass didn't want to listen the first time I told you, so at this point it's above me now, Like you're going to have to talk to hey. I've given you what you could have used. You made the decision not to use it.
Ronald L. Jones:Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. At this juncture there's nothing else I can do. I can't even refer you to somebody else because you didn't do what I told you to do and I know you're not gonna do what they told you to do, so why are we even wasting my time? Do you want Chick-fil-A or do you want Five Guys? Because this is what we can talk about, because I'm hungry. I don't know if you can talk about this.
Chantée Christian:Listen, listen, it reminds. So I've reached out to you, maybe a month or so ago, and I said, hey, are you taking new clients? Cause I got a client, but I actually for a very specific service. And then, when you said, I said that I think they could benefit, but I knew better than to send them to you because I knew that as a unit they weren't ready. One, they weren't ready for you and two, they weren't ready for a mirror of truth. And in that same scale, there's another client.
Chantée Christian:She says to me oh, I can't wait for you to talk to you. So if we could talk about why I'm still talking to this guy. And I said well, stop, if you can't wait to talk to me about why you still talking to somebody, you already know the reason why and you know why you shouldn't. So don't bring that to our session when we talk. And she was like you right? I was like, all right, cool, cause I don't want to hear that shit. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear about how Tommy broke your heart for the 15th time. And you still keep going to Tommy when you know Tommy is a problem.
Ronald L. Jones:Did you give him the hammer? You bought him a new one.
Chantée Christian:Oh, oh, ok, silly right. So I'm like I'm not doing that shit, I don't know how this keeps happening.
Ronald L. Jones:Well, how did he get access to your house? Oh, he got a key. Get the hell off my phone.
Chantée Christian:Got a key, got the code, got know everything. No, get out of here.
Ronald L. Jones:He's going to the mailbox. Goodbye. We not going to do this In end of client relationship, because this you sound like a fool.
Chantée Christian:And you got me out here talking to you, so then I sound like one too.
Ronald L. Jones:No, Too big doggies on this Zoom call. No, no, no.
Chantée Christian:So people are like what the entire? But no, but seriously.
Ronald L. Jones:Somebody's like you talk to your clients like yes. This is why I got out of therapy, because I couldn't talk to my therapy clients like this no, you can't. I had a code of ethics that I had to follow and I was like, damn, they report me, I can use my license, I can baby nail. Huh, when I'm free, you came looking for me.
Chantée Christian:Wait, but there is also a code of ethics for coaching.
Ronald L. Jones:There is a code of ethics for coaching. Right, there is a code of ethics for coaching. And you know first, do no harm. I ain't going to do no harm, no, it's damage.
Chantée Christian:I can rip off your bed, you can talk to people different Absolutely. And if you came to me, you already know I'm a little different. I'm different. I'm going to handle you with care, but I'm different.
Ronald L. Jones:You came to me because I was different, exactly, exactly Because when we first had a conversation, I checked you in. I checked people in the discovery call.
Chantée Christian:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:I told someone. I said so listen, I've asked you a question and you've talked for nine minutes and you have avoided answering my question. So this is what I'm going to say for the next five minutes, because this is now the 10th minute. For the next five minutes, I need you to tell me the answer to the question that I asked, because 14 minutes and 59 seconds, I'm going to end the call and you're still going to be without what you came for.
Chantée Christian:So let me be clear.
Ronald L. Jones:Right now you're wasting your time because you came to get something, yeah, yeah. Now you enter an empty mind that you're going to leave empty handed. So I need you to answer my question so we can get some results, because this ain't it? You looking for a friend? Get on Bumble, this ain't it?
Chantée Christian:Let me tell you something Don't get on Bumble if you're looking for a friend. Sorry, just you know that ain't where you go. I know they said it, but that ain't it.
Chantée Christian:There.
Chantée Christian:That ain't it. But no, that's real talk, all right. So, with that in mind, what would you leave the people with? Because we've been everywhere.
Ronald L. Jones:We have been. If I could leave the people with anything something that I probably said once before you know, god orders your steps, but you got to move your feet. It's going to require you to do the work and it's going to be uncomfortable, but if you want to get and see things that you haven't seen, you're going to have to do things that you've never done.
Chantée Christian:Oh, that's good.
Ronald L. Jones:Right, like somebody said yo, I want to go. Next time you go, next time you go to Dubai, I want to go. Ok, cool, get your pass for it. Man, I don't know about getting on a plane. I don't know how else you're going to get there. Player, you get on a couple cruise ships, but even I rather get on a plane, but even I'd walk, but I'm like you're not going to be able to see the places that you want to see if you keep walking the places you've already been.
Chantée Christian:Yeah.
Ronald L. Jones:And it's going to require a different version of you. How you showed up in your last relationship, you recognize that you can't show up like that in the new one. So why are we still going through the same notions that we went through at the last one?
Chantée Christian:Because you didn't recognize it.
Ronald L. Jones:No, you've recognized and identified, you told me. So not only have you identified it, but then your dumb ass keeps going back to the same store to pick the same things to put into the same grocery cart and wondering why you keep getting the same damn meals. I don't know who I'm talking to Come on.
Chantée Christian:Pastor Jones.
Ronald L. Jones:Come on, pastor, I'm not leaving. If you keep doing the same thing, you're going to keep getting the same thing, right. So do the work, make the decision, kill off any other option to stay mediocre. Then holler at me when you get through.
Chantée Christian:I feel like I don't even think that was for me, but it hit my stomach like it was my god. Let me make sure I'm not being mediocre out here in these streets. Oh, my goodness, ooh, what are you saying? We heard you, and if you didn't, y'all better rewind that, because I heard it Right here right now. I heard Pastor Jones get into it. Oh, my goodness, I just thank you, for every time I call and ask you to join me or do something, that it's a yes, and it's a yes from a space of let's do this thing. I really do just appreciate you and y'all ain't about to get choked up and all that other stuff. I just want to say thank you, because when y'all see what's coming out in the spring, my god, my god, my god, my god good stuff. I'm so excited. So thank you Anytime.
Ronald L. Jones:You know I'm A Like I say let's do it, let's get it, let's figure it out, let's do it.
Chantée Christian:Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the the y Best Shift podcast. There's no secret why Ronald is a fan fav. I really enjoyed talking with him. This conversation hit me in so many different ways, especially when he said kill off all options of being mediocre. All I can say is I hope you all took notes. I know I sure did. For more information or if you'd like to reach out to us, please visit at mybestshift underscore LLC on Instagram. Remember, stop doing shit that doesn't serve you. See you later.