My Best SHIFT

S4:E3: The Influence of the Internet on Identity and Authenticity (with Kevin Holmes)

• Hosted By: Chantée Christian • Season 4 • Episode 3

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Have you ever wondered how much of your identity is truly you, and how much is shaped by your interactions and experiences? Join us on this exploratory journey with our special guest, Kevin Holmes, an ambassador or dopiness and curator of exquisite vibes. We navigate through some thought-provoking discussions about our identity, authenticity, and the complexities of having an extrovert, introvert, and an ambivert tendencies.

Our conversation takes an interesting turn as we delve into generational differences and the power of the internet in shaping our perceptions and interactions. Kevin shares candid, personal stories of heartbreak, the humor he found in times of sorrow, and his journey into becoming a DJ.

Together, we explore how these experiences have shaped his identity. So, why don't you join us on this intriguing expedition into self-discovery and the many dimensions of being human, as we continue to celebrate the dopeness of life!

More about Kevin: Kevin is a Man, Dad, Brother, Son, Lover, Educator, DJ, Podcaster and Light worker. Follow him on IG at @iamyourdjkev and @grgrljkev.

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INSPIRED ACTIONS/THOUGHTS FOR THIS EPISODE:
How would you answer the question...tell me about yourself?
Who are you outside of your general roles?
How do you tap into your dopeness?
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THE DREAM TEAM -- CREDITS
Audio Engineering & Music Composition: Dennis D. Johnson with Hitz Muzic Group, LLC (hitzmuzicgroup@gmail.com)
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Chantée Christian:

Hello good people. This is Chantée Christian, and you are listening to the my Best Shift Podcast. When you put the two of us together, we could talk for hours, so we ended up with a two-parter. In this first episode, Kevin and I talk about who we are to so many people, including ourselves. Hey, Kevin.

Kevin Holmes:

With the dilly, yo with the dilly.

Chantée Christian:

Oh, my goodness, I'm so excited for you to be on this season four podcast with me.

Kevin Holmes:

Season four. That's tough, man, that's all right. That's all right, man. It wasn't grand opening, grand closing, man. You're still going. Four seasons man, you're a season vet now.

Chantée Christian:

Four seasons, yes, but before we get into the weeds of just our conversation, why don't you tell the people a little bit about yourself?

Kevin Holmes:

Oh, wow, man, Tell me about yourself. I feel like I'm in an internship prep interview. Tell me about yourself. I used to hate that question Back in the day, man. You would get ready, you go through like a career workshop or getting ready for that first job. Tell me about yourself, because then, as you get older, everybody wants you to give an introduction about yourself, but it's never really authentic. It's like I do this. I've been here, I'm going here, this is where I work. This is my phone number If you need to get in contact with me during the day. This is my phone number. At night, I'm going to email address. Now, that's LinkedIn, that's what we now know as LinkedIn. Now, that's true. Long story short man. I am, most importantly, a friend and a brother of one, miss Chantée Christian. You know what I'm saying. I think, if anything, people need to know that upfront.

Chantée Christian:

Yes, over 20 years of friendship.

Kevin Holmes:

Exactly that's very, very important to me, and so I'm a son, I'm a brother, I'm a father, I am a podcast host as well, I am a higher ed executive as well. At the end of the day, I'm just care. I think I've been doing a lot to try to have the ability to be care in all of those different spaces that I mentioned. You know, originally from the Hampton Roads area of Virginia, George Mason Alarm, master's in undergrad, brother of Phi Beta Sigma fraternity, incorporated myself and I don't know, man, like, when people ask you that question, Chantée, it's crazy because, like I think, the answer or the response may differ depending on the environment that you're in, absolutely. And so for you to ask me that question and you kind of know, like the lifespan in the circle around me, it's like, wow, how do I respond to that?

Chantée Christian:

I don't know. You know, I used to hate this question too, and then I had started dating.

Kevin Holmes:

Yeah, that'll do it. That'll do it as well.

Chantée Christian:

And I had to practice like who do I want you to know? Right, and it depends on who the guy was, how open I would be about me, right, like I'm like I give you a little snippet here or there. And then I had to get really comfortable with like who I am outside of work and I was like, well, shit, I don't know. Like you said, right, I'm a daughter, I'm a friend, I'm pretty dope, but you got to get to know me because I could be like you know a little B, but but even still, it's like, yeah, I'm dope, but I might not even want you to know that level of my dope-ness.

Kevin Holmes:

You know, like, what's my man? What's my man? Is it Kevin on stage? You, like, you know, have, have ratchet, have righteous yes, like, depending on which day you ask me I want, I might want to be in my righteous lane or I might want to be in my ratchet lane because I'm both.

Chantée Christian:

Well and more right, like we're not linear, yeah. And so it's like well, tell me what you're looking for and I can tell you what you need to know to satisfy that itch, you know. And so like I hate, like now that we're back, you know, back outside, I hate going to networking things, because the first thing people would say, oh, so what do you do? And I'm like, do I tell you the truth, like the full truth, or do I dumb it down? And it depends on the person. I'm like, do I want them to like be shocked and all and walk away, or do I want them to be like, oh, tell me more. And then I'm like all right, we can do this.

Kevin Holmes:

But you know, the weird part about that is like, as you're telling people this, they're like fact checking you in real time on their phone, like on all your social media, and I guess it's strange to me. I get it, it's the times right. I don't like it.

Kevin Holmes:

But, it's still very strange to me because, like you and I are talking and as we're talking, I was at a conference in New Orleans a couple weeks ago and as I'm talking and talking to a young brother there, he saw my title and where I work and everything and had some questions. And as I'm talking to him and responding to his questions, he then like legit on LinkedIn right there. Well, yeah, do you have a? You know what's your Twitter hand? I said, well, I'm really not active on Twitter. Why are you not active on Twitter? Because I really don't care about your opinion that much, or people like following everything that I do. I mean, like, really the only reason I'm, I think I'm on social media now and this is like the old head in me. I'm also I guess I would be considered middle age now. Shantae, you know I'm in my 40s, I'm 42 years old, I'm a Scorpio, you know, like, like I'm going back to your question, I'm a Scorpio, 42, you know you should start there.

Kevin Holmes:

You know I'm saying I love long walks on the beach. Oh, my God, I like to share ice cream sundaes. You know, maybe we could share a burrito bowl at your Pope, like you know saying I'm trying to. You know, watch my health. My salt intake can't be that much or that high.

Chantée Christian:

This is why you're fav.

Kevin Holmes:

Yo, I just had you know. I just had my eyes examined. Right, my eyes checked. I'm in multifocal lenses now. Shantae, like that's the. That's the detriment of getting older.

Chantée Christian:

Is that the new word for buy focus?

Kevin Holmes:

I don't know. I don't know because I had a. You know I wear contact, so I had to get a contact fitting. But I didn't know they. I didn't know you could have like multifocal stuff in your contact lenses, because I was scared to death that they was like nah man, you can't wear contact no more.

Kevin Holmes:

You got to get some reading gas or you got to get my prescription already thick, so it's going to be thicker and then I'm going to have that big line in between it. I got to. I got to move in and out with my hand reading everything, because I was already having no symptoms.

Kevin Holmes:

You know what I'm saying and so I'm thinking like Damn yo it. Like tell me about yourself. Like yo, I guess I was near sighted. Now I'm far sighted and I'm in multifocal contact lenses and I thought I was gonna pay $49 for a regular contact fitting and they asked me they said is this a regular fitting? Do you have a stigmatism? No, I don't have a stigmatism. But then the multifocal lens fitting was more expensive than if I had a stigmatism. So you know, my co-pay at the eye doctor went from $39.95 or $40 to $130. Like, do I tell you in response to your question, with like that kind of background about me, it's like the state firm, commercial, like we don't need to know everything, we just need to know the basics. But what do you say?

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, that's real right. Like I think, like you said, it depends, right, Part of the challenge is that we've known each other since 2001. So you telling me about yourself, there are gonna be some things that I'm like, oh for real, I didn't know that. But like, we know each other right and so it's like your basics for me would be different for your basics for a networking event, someone at work, somebody that you met at a bar you know what I mean.

Kevin Holmes:

I try to learn from those people too. I try to stay away from them, yeah.

Chantée Christian:

But I mean it's I think that and it's something that I don't even work with my clients on like who am I Right, because we change so much throughout a year, let alone a day, right? So, like you said, somebody was like hey, I wanna talk to you. I've never met the person before they found me on LinkedIn. I was like okay, cool, they started reading me, to me my bio, and I was like kinda creepy, but okay.

Kevin Holmes:

That is weird. I mean, they did their research, so that's a good thing, I would assume.

Chantée Christian:

I would assume. But like, maybe be a little more discreet about it, right? Like I'm pretty aware of the things that are in my bio. So, as you are reading to me the things that I wrote in my bio, I'm like I said well, where did you pull that from?

Kevin Holmes:

You have your undergraduate degree from here. You have your MBA. Really, you have this cert, that cert. You've been a professional in this space for this long. You know it's kinda trippy man because like these are the social skills that people are developing.

Chantée Christian:

So I'm like we're doing people such a disservice because even the guy I'm dating right now his daughter Googled me. That shit tripped me out Like she's 11.

Kevin Holmes:

now I love the enthusiasm, the intent and the background check she did on the woman that her father is dating. That's some cold bloody stuff right there, man. That's cold bloody.

Chantée Christian:

Like I said, what did she find? What's in treats? She was like she's the whole page. And I was like what does that mean? So then I had to go Google me, cause I've been Googling like my company, like I don't Google me. I know I did nothing too crazy out there, so I'll go and I Google me and I see it too, like it's just, you know, our SEO is working Like you just keep scrolling, you keep seeing it. I was like all right, cool, I just find it so interesting. Cause I told him I said tell her if she has any questions. She has access to the source. Ask the source, whatever questions you have. And her response to me was I'll do my research first and if I have any questions I'll let you know. And I said, well, ain't that some shit?

Kevin Holmes:

Hey man, look these little young whippersnappers when they come to doing real research and not just looking at a 15 minute snippet. You have all the resources at your disposal, cause they will never know about the Decibel system in the library. They will never have to check out a library book, never. They will never have to really really learn the APA or MLA format. They will never have to do it in Chicago style or whatever they would never have to learn all of them. Nah, man, it's too easy. They got programs for that now.

Chantée Christian:

I'm jealous. That's who I am. I am a jealous person because that shit was exhausting, always got me in trouble with my papers, especially when I had to print them out and the margins weren't right. They'll never have to understand what that is. Nah, nah, shit's crazy. But yeah, and then I was talking to someone today and she said that her 12 year old helped her vet me out and I was like yo, these kids, they're kids, right, like we're talking about 10, 11, 12 year olds and you're vetting whole ass adults.

Kevin Holmes:

Yeah, but they're having these conversations in school with their friends, like so you got a bunch of smart know-it-all kids that have a little bit of access. And I'm not talking about everybody else, kid, I'm talking about my child Talking about my child, and he kind of sways between damn, he's a rock star, I love him to death to just be an ungrateful somebody Because they take things for granted. They will never know a dial up telephone. No, they will never know life without president of color or vice president of color. They will never know what it's like to have to depend on dial up instead of Wi-Fi, right? Oh, true.

Chantée Christian:

They'll never know any of that stuff.

Kevin Holmes:

They'll never see a desktop computer. That's 300 pounds, that's all one unit. They don't know what MS-DOS is. You know what I'm saying. They'll never know what a floppy disk is They'll never know a 3x5 or the 5x, whatever floppy, the floppy, floppy disk, the floppy big floppy.

Chantée Christian:

They got the name from, not the hard card, that's the 3x5. Oh man, I used to play Will of Fortune. On that my mom used to be like get off the internet. I'm like, but I need it.

Kevin Holmes:

See, see, they'll never know Oregon Trail. They'll never know, like crazy man, they will never know legit having to go into a target to purchase music. Think about that, and mine, you like places like Target didn't carry music early on. They kind of started to carry music to get upbeat with the times Beating against Circuit City, best Buy and all that place. But so I didn't even mention the record store.

Chantée Christian:

They won't even know what a Circuit City is.

Kevin Holmes:

That's what we're dealing with now. And so who are you Tell me about yourself? Like, if somebody younger than me asked me that question today, I still probably wouldn't know what to say, because the times have changed. Yeah, like, okay. Well, what do you want to know specifically? What do you already know? Am I a murderer? No, I'm not a murderer, you know. Don't have a felony on my record. None of that good stuff. You know what I'm saying. So, like, okay, so one, why are you asking me the question? First of all, what do you want? See, this is, see, sean, I tell you, teetering on the old head spectrum now man, like you, like right on the line, because you're thinking like an old head, now man, that's what they call, that's what they call people that's older than you know, maybe 25, they call them old heads Listen.

Chantée Christian:

I knew that I was crossing over old head world when I went to my cousin's 30th birthday party last weekend and Philly, I bought two outfits.

Kevin Holmes:

And neither one of your outfits was really appropriate for the event.

Chantée Christian:

The first one definitely was not appropriate. I was like are you going to go to a speaking conference away? Like no man, this is not it. Okay, let's put this on up. And then the other one. It was like okay, well, I've worn this to like a holiday party before, but how did I want to?

Kevin Holmes:

be free For 30-oh. A holiday party for 30-oh? No, okay, see, that's what see. See, no, I got caught slipping, mike. I got caught slipping and it was cold.

Chantée Christian:

So I remember back in the day going outside, barely got a coat on. You know, trying to be cute, that was cute this. No, I had my big coat on. I was like we taking this good Uber and I'm going to keep wrapped up until I get there and the co-detendant said oh, we'll take your coat. Hold on, baby, you can't take my coat. And I said wait a minute, how old are you? And I was like I got to get my purse, I got to take stuff out of my pocket.

Kevin Holmes:

Oh my.

Chantée Christian:

How

Kevin Holmes:

Are you pulling out, like your glasses, peppermints, your phone, your wallet, your lip gloss. Maybe you needed some eyeshadow if you went to bed. Next thing you know, the one pocket that you had was overflowing because you took it all out your bag.

Chantée Christian:

Oh, I said, well, damn, and it was just so interesting to just watch them party, right. And I was like damn, I remember being 30 partying like this and I mean I turned 40. By the time this airs, I will already be 40, right. And I am like, damn, a whole decade makes a difference when you not in that decade, right? So I'm looking at them like damn, they knees is young, their feet are still good, Like you know.

Chantée Christian:

It was just like, oh, but everybody got a hairline. Listen, all the dudes got hair, right, like they got hair, they got hairlines. And I'm just like, wow, this is so different, you know. And I took joy in the little moments where somebody was like, oh, you know her from college. I was like God bless you. Like what? You drinking? Let me go get you a drink, because God really is working with you, because, no, boo, we know, no, no, no. But I, literally, in that moment, I was like yo, I'm not as young as I used to be. I think that's the point, though, shantay, oh, I'm glad that I made it here.

Kevin Holmes:

Yeah, yeah, I think that's the point. You know. Tell me about yourself I'm not as young as I used to be, like that's a fact. Now, that's a fact. You know that's not my truth. You know air quotes. You know that's not my truth. No, that's a fact.

Chantée Christian:

I'm not as young as I used to be, that's a fact with a capital F A, c, t bold underline made real big.

Kevin Holmes:

With the 100, the 100 sign under it.

Chantée Christian:

I mean because of the Friday night. This is also when I knew right. So Friday night one of my friends had a birthday party at a distillery. I said, okay, we outside, I'm gonna go. Saturday, we go to Philly for my cousin's party, like a whole party at a bar club, Like they bought out the building. All right, cool, Sunday we go to brunch. By the time we got home on Sunday, I said let me tell you something. I don't want to talk to nobody, I don't want to see nobody, I want to get up underneath this blanket and I want to go to sleep. And I said, hmm, there used to be a time where I could roll. It didn't matter how many events, it didn't matter how many people, but I was like sure, this is not it.

Kevin Holmes:

Yeah, them days is over for me, man. Let me ask you a question, Chantée, I know this is your show and everything. You, you, you supposed to be asking me the question. I got a. I got a question for you, right? It's a conversation, what's that? All right? Well, check this out. So people that meet me and have interacted and engaged with me might lean on the fact that their perception of me that I'm an extrovert I can see that, Right, you get communication style. You know I don't meet strangers, things like that, yeah, and I would say when I was younger I would identify with that. So I'm good in those spaces and in those places. You know I'm comfortable. But I don't know the older that I get, it's like. You know, I don't think I'm an extrovert, I think I'm an introvert. So my question for you is knowing me for 20 some years and kind of seeing the good, the bad, the ugly, private, public, all of the above, what say you?

Chantée Christian:

So in one of those accolades that I have, I have a lot.

Kevin Holmes:

Wait a minute, you have a lot. You have a lot.

Chantée Christian:

I have a lot, have a lot. I am certified in MBTI. So, myers-briggs, and something that I learned that I didn't understand about introvert extrovertism is that there are tendencies, and some we grow accustomed to based off of the environments that we're in, and some not. I say that to say when I used to take it I would always fall dead in the middle, because even in my 20s, on a Friday night after work, I want to go home, like I don't want to go out, but on Saturday, after I've rested up, like, hit me up, let's go.

Chantée Christian:

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Right, and, similar to you, I go out. People think, oh, you know, she likes to be out, she likes people, she's into it and drinking partner.

Kevin Holmes:

by the way, ladies and gentlemen, I just want to put that out there, since we have full disclosure in this conversation. That's my drinking partner. So when she says she was re-energized and invigorated, they hit them streets. It just fings it. It's factual. I don't even. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chantée Christian:

But I think that you are an exclusive extrovert. So what that means is that when you're around certain circles and certain people, you are an extrovert, you have extrovert energy, you have extrovert space. However, when you have the opportunity to be secluded and be alone, you're also cool with that.

Kevin Holmes:

I love it, Chantée.

Chantée Christian:

I love it. Yeah, so like and that's the thing right Like being an extrovert or being an introvert or having those tendencies, is really based off of how do you get your energy right. So if you recharge by being around people, then you have more of an extroverted tendency, right. But if you recharge being alone and just chilling, then you have more of an introvert energy and it wavers right. Because I think the pandemic did a number on people, right? I agree, people who used to love to go out and want to be out. After they got through the fact that they weren't going out, when it was time to go back out, a lot of people were like no, I'm good, I'm okay, I don't want to go out there, I'm not trying to get sick, I don't know you, I don't know where you've been, how many people going to be there? They all, they have all the questions that typically an introverted person would ask. The introverted people are like yo, we got to get out here. Like where are we at? Y'all want to go? I've been going crazy.

Kevin Holmes:

I don't even drink, I don't care. Bottles on me, right they literally been flip-flopping.

Chantée Christian:

They literally been flip-flopping. Because of that, I think the balance is off right, but I really do think that you are exclusively extroverted. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Kevin Holmes:

Nah, but I'm thinking about how to respond to your question. Tell me about yourself Am I, am a? Is it ambivert, ambervert? It's like a little bit of both Ambivert.

Chantée Christian:

Well ammer. Well it's, oh Lord. What is it, ammerdectris, when you can use?

Kevin Holmes:

both hands. Yeah, so ambivert. Is it a B in there? The B silent? Listen. We were just talking to the youngsters about Google. You got resources at your disposal and we about to find out, See.

Chantée Christian:

You see how easy that was.

Kevin Holmes:

Look because.

Chantée Christian:

I didn't have to go get the Britannica guard up.

Kevin Holmes:

Nah, man, you don't have to get. Don't? Nobody remember the encyclopedia Britannica man that used to be my Google right oh what was the, what was the joint when, like, people came online and Microsoft put one out, man For AOL. Nah, man, it was like Microsoft had put out like an encyclopedia, but they had called it something back in the day, man.

Chantée Christian:

Damn, I'm going to have to research that I don't know what the word is.

Kevin Holmes:

I think it's ambivert. Am I on my tripping? You might be right, it's not my lane. You know what I'm saying. I don't know if I'm pronouncing it right Ambivert. Yeah, a person.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, that's it yeah.

Kevin Holmes:

Yeah, a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features. Yep.

Chantée Christian:

Like ambiadextrous American dictionary. Yeah, yeah.

Kevin Holmes:

Yeah, yeah. But so, z, you taught me something new today. You know, I'm a. I'm an extrovert, exclusive extrovert that mean, I'm only extroverted around exclusive audiences.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, or you got some juice, I got some juice, I was probably.

Kevin Holmes:

It's probably the latter, Chantée.

Chantée Christian:

I tell you it's probably the latter Juice for everybody, juice for everybody, you know, and it's so funny because when I meet people, they rarely believe that I'm shy and I'm like, if I don't know you, I'm not about to give you much more than a surface level of version of me.

Kevin Holmes:

This is fact. I remember when I met you. This is fact. This is not the truth. Air quotes this is a fact.

Chantée Christian:

It's a fact, right, and part of that was that I don't trust people. That's fair, right, and they people all over things. Yeah, and I've been working on trusting myself enough to have discernment to know who and when to share what with you know, but young I didn't know.

Kevin Holmes:

And I'm like nah I don't know you and you don't need to know me, so tell me about yourself. Like you know, I don't easily trust people. Like you know, is that part of the narrative. Now you know what I'm saying.

Chantée Christian:

I mean, I think now part of the narrative is I'm a work in progress and there's so many pieces to that work and part of that is trust. Most, I mean it's trusting me to be able to say maybe or maybe not, versus just being really standoffish at first and people like, oh, she's a bee.

Kevin Holmes:

sometimes but not really. You might enjoy being a bee if the opportunity presents itself.

Chantée Christian:

Sometimes I mean, you know, I'll never forget when I was going through a breakup and I had sent you songs that I was like because man that joint.

Kevin Holmes:

It was depressing as hell. But it was funny though, because, oh man, you can't you know me, you can't give me like something serious and sad and funny at the same time, cause you know I'm always going to go for the funny man. I'll even even with my own stuff.

Chantée Christian:

That shit was funny, like it was sad and it was hilarious. I'm like damn, but like I feel like to me, that's who you are. Right, you're my friend that I can depend on regardless of the situation, and I know that even at the saddest moments, we're going to laugh about something.

Kevin Holmes:

Yo, and that's so funny because you know, my sister passed last year, right, and the anniversary of her passing is coming up, which is trippy because it's around your birthday and like that. So it's going to be a process for me, right? Yeah, but it's so funny because I remember going to the funeral home, to part of the viewing room, and I go in and I'm like by myself, because people hadn't come in the room yet. I'm just looking at her and I'm, of course, I'm devastated, but then it was like an inside joke, it's funny. I whisper over to her and say I love you and you're welcome. And I say you're welcome because, like the running joke inside of our family, my mom was always like yo, if you go out and do something crazy, we're going to bury you in a dress, right? And ultimately, my mother selected a wonderful tuxedo for my sister, right?

Chantée Christian:

Yeah.

Kevin Holmes:

And so I whispered over in her ear. I said you're welcome, that's me right here. So you know, I'm always going to air. You can't never give me sad and depressing and funny yeah, Ah man, yeah, don't work that way All facts. So then you're sending me, like you're sending me, like Lenny Williams songs, man, I'm like, but nah, man, I didn't even Lenny Williams right there, man, you know, you got, you got. You need something a little more angry. Yeah, Lenny Williams won't angry in that song. You need something a little more angry, man. And then you angry though they are mellow, but just just angry enough.

Chantée Christian:

And then you went. So Kevin also DJs, right, so I do.

Kevin Holmes:

I picked it up during COVID as a as like a hobby. I just went online and I played music from my computer and people would listen. And then Facebook started picking up on it and taking my videos down Instagram, kicking me off. But that turned in and transitioned into I always wanted to be a DJ. I just like seeing people have fun. You know what I mean and I invested in it and so, yes, I am. I am DJ K EV. Yes. Curator of exquisite vibes yes, and we'll get to all the other stuff later. But I guess tell me about yourself. I'm a DJ. You're a DJ, yes. Adult, yes, adult.

Chantée Christian:

DJ. Exactly, yeah, I'm on like as a DJ. That's crazy, right? Yeah, it's not crazy. I mean, if you really think about it, every party that y'all had at the house it was your playlist.

Kevin Holmes:

That's. I mean, that is true, I've kept a lot of parties going, listen, listen, I've stopped. I've stopped a lot of parties, but I've also kept. We started the parties to keep them going. You know that's you know?

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, like I remember the first time I heard John Legend's first album, was that one of your cookouts?

Kevin Holmes:

Oh, yeah, man, yeah, you know the crazy part about that Chantée. When he came out, I got, I bought the album. But I think I had just the album had just come out and I was on a recruitment trip for an institution that I worked at in Boston, in the New England area, and I went to go see John Legend at the Roxy in Boston. He did the whole album and it was so crazy because, like you know how, in your career and your profession, or something that you really have a love and a passion for and you've kind of just prepared yourself for like this moment you know what I'm saying it's kind of like Michael Jackson moonwalking across the stage or like Kobe Bryant hitting 81.

Kevin Holmes:

It's like, yo, I knew I was nice all the time. I knew I was nice, yeah, and everybody gets to see how nice I am because, like, my journey brought me to this moment. That's like what I remember about John Legend and me playing his album at that specific barbecue. Yeah, because I had literally just sung a few months prior and it was dope. Because, like the people at that time in his career and it was a diverse crowd, that was our commonality they recognized that John Legend was dope, at least for his first album. Like the first album, he always going to be good with me because of the first album.

Chantée Christian:

Yeah, ordinary people. Yeah, that was the album.

Kevin Holmes:

So for me, I don't know, it's kind of like who am I Tell me about yourself? I like for people to have a good time. I like to bring people together. Yes, one of my tools happens to be music on occasion. Yeah Right, yeah yeah. But so it's always. You know, that's always been like a part of me, like if I see something dope and I'm like yo, this is dope, I guess I'm an ambassador for dope-ness as well.

Chantée Christian:

Come on ambassador for dope-ness, I am Damn.

Kevin Holmes:

I got a trademark, that one, because I just came up with that off the top.

Chantée Christian:

Let me write that down. Ambassador for dope-ness yeah, but because?

Kevin Holmes:

it's always been a part of me. You know it's crazy because I'm a podcast host as well, right, yup, and part of that A dope-ass podcast.

Kevin Holmes:

I have a dope-ass podcast with my partner man. We'll get into that in a second. But I also feel like I've always wanted to be like an ambassador for good, for ambassador for, not like the American dream or like this is what you can do in your career. It's like I want to be an ambassador for people to just feel good about the present moment, to feel good about themselves Like it's a part of who I am. Do you communicate that with that question? Is that my response, Chantée? That I'm an ambassador of dope-ness?

Chantée Christian:

Yo, I mean, I think that that is a conversation starter. So it depends if you try to have a conversation Right.

Chantée Christian:

Because somebody, because, like hearing, I'm an ambassador for dope-ness people are like, oh shit, like what does that mean? And then you go into what, like all the dope shit that you do, or do you say you know what? It's an experience and the more you get to know me, the more that you'll see. Right, there's layers, there are layers. Yeah, right, like I think about when we first met Uh-oh, here we go, here we go, no.

Chantée Christian:

And I just I remember saying to, I remember saying to Ash like who are these people? Where do you want me to go? Why are we going here? And she was like, hey, just come. I'm like fine, it was cold. I was like why are we doing this? And I can't remember if we went to Friday. We went to Fridays after we did Because we had went to like a movie, it was like a screening on campus or something like that. And then we went to Fridays and those that know me know I like to eat and so it's rare that I'm a go somewhere and go get no salad. And that was the conversation started. That was the conversation started, right. And I'm like, when you say that, I'm like, well, who am I? I like to eat, right, I am a food. I have always been a foodie. And I remember you saying yo, you are right with me, you ain't a whole rocker. I remember that.

Kevin Holmes:

Yo, I remember that. I remember like where we were sitting. You know what I'm saying.

Chantée Christian:

Oh my gosh, hilarious Right. But I say that to say though you were dope, then You've always been dope.

Kevin Holmes:

Did I know it though.

Chantée Christian:

Well, did you.

Kevin Holmes:

Honestly, I would probably say that my passion and talent and skill was probably there all along, but I also believe that I had to go through a lot of experiences to put it together in a manner that I could recognize that I'm dope. Tell me about yourself. I'm dope. I'm dope because of this, that and the third. I'm dope because of this journey that I'm on. I'm dope because I've gone through and overcome different experiences. I'm dope because I listen to elders. I'm dope because I love first and think second.

Kevin Holmes:

Most of the time A lot of people don't feel good with that, yeah, and so back then I probably would not have resonated with me. I'll be honest with you. So now, being a divorcee and an eligible bachelor, it's crazy. Women have told me I'm handsome. I mean have told me you're a sexy man. I'm like, really, because I'm like yo. I never thought of it in that manner. You know what I'm saying. I never thought about myself as sexy. I knew I was like puppy dog, cute because that's what I used to get like back in the day high school, college, whatever. So I knew I wasn't ugly. You know what I'm saying. I never quite got like sexy or handsome. I got cute and honestly, chantay, I compared a baby's cute. I'm a grown man. A puppy's cute.

Chantée Christian:

And now they've elevated you and you didn't know what to do with it.

Kevin Holmes:

I'm elevated and I've been escalated and I don't know. So it's like yo. So tell me about yourself. I'm a sexy man from what I've been told. Hey, Right which ain't a bad thing, you know, it's still man, is that? Is that something that I adopt and then becomes a part of me as well? Yeah, Is that part of my intro, part of my bio? I?

Chantée Christian:

don't know, listen, you know what's so funny and I hate that. I hate this and I love this because we're always in sync about the wildest things. And so in my journey to love articles that I was writing last year, year before last, I always ended them with remember your dope AF? I remember, yeah, yeah, you did. And the first time I wrote it I was like no, I can't say that. And then I was like, no, you can. You can, because at the end of the day, if you don't believe it, who the hell else is going to believe it?

Kevin Holmes:

Man, I never thought about it that way. So let me ask you this Was the hesitancy around the vernacular like the F bomb in the sign off, or was it really around your belief in yourself, or your want to people to kind of read that line and it resonate Like you know what I am and that a lot of people don't think that way.

Chantée Christian:

I think it was all of it, Right, Like I was like well, who's going to read this? Anybody that knows me really, really, really, really well knows that the F bomb is probably my favorite word.

Kevin Holmes:

Hey, yours and mine both. Right, I got my honest, though, I got mine for my mother man. My mother taught me how to curse. Listen, she didn't condone it, but she taught me.

Chantée Christian:

Listen, my dad was in the Army. There was a point where every other word he said was not. I was like do you even have any regular words? Nope, no, no, right, it's the one I got caught for the first time. I was like are you serious? Are you serious? But it was part of that. And then the other part was I know that I'm a cool person, right, like, I'm cool to be around, I'm fun, but I'm not dope man. You are a beautifully dope person, but you know, but like to answer your question, right, it was a. It was a pause, especially because I hadn't dated in a really long time and I felt like some of my dopeness had left.

Kevin Holmes:

Like you know what I dig you. I dig what you're saying because, as a as you know, when you tell somebody and you're trying to get back on the dating scene after you went through a divorce, the first question is with them Damn, what's wrong with your ass why she divorced you. You know what I'm saying, right, right.

Chantée Christian:

I get it, I get it. And then to say not only do I think I'm dope, but I'm dope as fuck yeah.

Kevin Holmes:

Because you, it's like you dope to like the power. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Chantée Christian:

I'm like ooh, I don't know. And then I'm like I want people to read this and remember that they are, though, because I had forgotten that I was, and so it was a constant reminder for me to say you are other people that are reading this. They are too, and if you keep seeing it which is why it was at the end of every one of them if you keep seeing it, it'll start to resonate, and it was resonating for me. It was resonating for people who were going through similar situations, but it was. I literally struggled with do I end with this or not? Do I end with this or not? Do I end with this or not? And it was.

Chantée Christian:

It was my own struggle, right, it was, it was me, but I was just like oh, I'm going out here, I'm jumping into this cesspool and, and that cesspool Yo, it was. It was. It was pretty bad. I mean, it was pretty bad, but it was pretty cool, like I had fun. But going into it, I was like I don't know, because who I was at 30 completely different than who I was at 35, who I was at 36, 37, 38, 39. And so to say I'm dope as fuck. I'm like do I even know who I am right now. That's heavy. And so then I had to go do some work on like well, who are you? Because that was the question, like oh, what do you do?

Kevin Holmes:

Like exactly so that that is why I responded in the manner that I did when you asked me the question. Oh, I know, because with you, with you, I really like damn what. What could I say that you don't already know? Or what can I present of myself to your audience that I'm comfortable with sharing? Yeah, like it's crazy, right. And I think when you meet people and you're in new environments, like we all have that crossroads.

Chantée Christian:

Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the my Best Shift podcast. I really enjoyed talking with Kevin about who we are, so much so that we made it a two parter. If you are wondering how the story ends, be sure to tune in to part two, aka Episode Four, where we go even deeper.