S4:E9: Tales of Intuition Charting Courses in Parenting and Personal Growth (with Dr. Carolyn Howell)

Have you ever felt a tug in your gut, urging you to take a leap into the unknown? That's the siren call of intuition, a force that Dr. Carolyn and I, Chantée Christian, dissect through candid conversation and shared experiences. Our anecdotes reveal how leaning into intuition not only propels us forward but also fosters personal growth.

Parenting comes with its own set of trials, often entangled with guilt and self-doubt when our children struggle. We peel back the layers of these complex emotions, offering solace and understanding to parents grappling with feelings of blame.

We celebrate intuition's role as an invisible compass in our decision-making process. Listen as we unpack the synergy between intuition and support, and why embracing both can transform the paths we tread.
---
More  About Carolyn: Dr. Carolyn Howell was born and raised in Washington, DC. Growing up, she has always had a heart for children, even as a child herself. She dreamed of being a healer. After graduating from Benjamin Banneker Academic High School, she attended Spelman College in Atlanta, GA. Currently she works as the lead Child Psychiatrist in the Early Psychosis Intervention Clinic RAISE Team. She also serves as Medical Director of Outpatient Mental Health Services for The Children’s Guild. She runs her own private practice in Howard County, where she sees children and adults for psychotherapy and medication management. Her approach in psychotherapy is to help patient’s get in touch with their intuition and tap into their own innate healing power. She also has been trained to perform past-life regressions as a form of healing. In addition to managing her bustling practices, she is a wife and mother of three.

Connect with Carolyn via Instagram | LinkedIn | Website

Show your support for the show in the form of a review, rating, like, follow and/or subscribe. It makes a huge difference with the algorithmic overlords!
________________________
INSPIRED ACTIONS/THOUGHTS FOR THIS EPISODE:
How has listening to your intuition served you?
How can you utilize your internal compass to guide to you?
________________________
SUPPORT US BY SUPPORTING OUR PARTNER(S)
Buzzsprout – Following this link let's Buzzsprout know we sent you, gets you a $20 Amazon gift card if you sign up for a paid plan, and helps support our show https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=1381600.
Headliner – Following this link let’s Headliner know we sent you https://make.headliner.app/referral/info_AwIgqs.
________________________
THE DREAM TEAM -- CREDITS
Audio Engineering & Music Composition: Dennis D. Johnson with Hitz Muzic Group, LLC (hitzmuzicgroup@gmail.com)
Photography: R.J. with Peculiar Images by R.J. Paulk (rj@peculiarimages.us)
Hair: Rob Fooks with Rob Fooks Hair Salon (rob@robfooks.com)
Custom Artwork: Janae D. Johnson with Janae Danielle Consulting and Design (janaedanielleco@gmail.com)
________________________
If you take any of these actions, share them with us via Instagram. AND brag online about your inspired actions/thoughts on social media using #MyBestSHIFT. We love feedback from our listeners via Instagra

Transcript

Chantée Christian: 0:07

Hello good people. This is Chantée Christian and you are listening to the My Best Shift podcast. In today's episode, I'll be talking about all things intuition with Dr Carolyn. How, hey Carolyn? How are you doing today?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 0:40

Hi, good, how are you, shante, I am doing well.

Chantée Christian: 0:45

Thank you for finally joining me on my podcast Finally, oh my goodness. So before we get too far in tell the people a little bit about your job. So.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 0:57

Okay, all right. So I am a child and adult psychiatrist and I practice in the DC Metro area in Ellicott City, maryland, and I see children and adults for a whole range of different psychiatric issues and I perform psychotherapy but also medication management Awesome, and you were a guest on season one of all the ships, that's right. Yes indeed, what a time, man, my gosh, that was such an amazing experience.

Chantée Christian: 1:34

Oh, I say that my purpose is to be a catalyst for growth, for change and for inspired action, and so anything that's in alignment with that is a yes for me. And in that space of yes it's like okay, well, who else can join in this community of change and doing something different? Right, and Girl We on TV.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 2:01

Right. Exactly what an accomplishment. That's huge. And your own, and your own, no. Your own, no. Yes, that's huge. Yes, indeed, and it was. It was great, and you have. You had some great guests too. I was listening in after we recorded and was hesitant to leave. I had to make a flight, but I was just sitting listening.

Chantée Christian: 2:24

Fantastic. Thank you so, so much. And I mean it's a shameless plug, but y'all make sure that y'all go and listen and watch, or however you stream all the ships because it is live on Apple TV, ruku, amazon Fire, bench TV networks, and then, if you don't have any of those, you can watch it on your browser through Zandra TV network. So awesome sauce. So I'm curious what made you say yes to this podcast or to the TV show?

Chantée Christian: 2:59

Well, I know the podcast because I have to know in you about well, if you don't be a guest on the show, you gotta be a guest on the podcast, no, but on the show. What made you say, yes, I want to be out there.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 3:11

To be honest with you, it's because I had never done it before and it made me completely crazy nervous. I was so scared that I actually said them.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 3:22

I just have to for that reason I have to push past the fear. I mean, clearly this is something that I think would help me to get out of my comfort zone and the opportunity was given to me for a reason. So we're going to see it through and see what that reason is. And so I just said I got to push past the fear. I don't even know why it makes me so nervous, but what it is about it in particular that is making was making me so nervous. But yeah, I guess I pride myself like on the word cure as psychiatrists and saying just the right thing at the right time it was live show is like, oh my gosh, I can't not say just the right thing.

Chantée Christian: 4:02

Yes, you know, and I think that that's a human nature thing too, right, where we get into these spaces of we have to do it right. But we can't do it at all, and so we become paralyzed in the, in the notion of well, I don't have it all flushed out, I don't have it already, I can't go, I can't do. And so for you to be like no, because it has me in this state, I'm going to go and do it. Yes, I think I still.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 4:31

I mean, yeah, yeah, and you're right. Like all are non kind of extremes, black or white, zero to 100, with nothing in the middle that can easily paralyze us there's a spectrum, so there might have been a couple of things that I might have done differently, but does that mean that I shouldn't have done it?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 4:47

No, you know, or saying things differently, or you know, done my hair a little certain different, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't have done it. So I got to realize that it's not just because it was one thing I would change that it wasn't a success.

Chantée Christian: 5:00

No, no, that's good, that's a word, because so I am guilty for being self critical in all the things. And so when I look back at the show, I was like, oh, I got a. I got like four pages of oh, right. And then I stop and I'm like, wait, you're doing something, you've done something. You did something really big, big, huge. Yes, yeah, right. And so it's like how can we stay in these spaces of being our own best critic and being appreciative of the moment? And for me, I was like, oh, my goodness, we're all the way.

Chantée Christian: 5:52

In Dallas I got people flying out here. I don't have a script Like ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, you know. And everybody's like, oh, it looks great. And it remind me of that saying if it looks easy, then you know, a lot of work went into it, that's right. And I saw the work. And then I'm like, oh, but we could do this. And I was like, well, don't, I don't want to negate the work that we did, you know yeah that's like, and the proof was in the pudding, because it turned out to be marvelous.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 6:24

So you know, and you just made it easy, because your whole crew made it easy really for me to just relax into it. Just looking at their smiling faces and how they wanted me, it was so clear that everyone wanted me to be comfortable. You know, it just made us so easy.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 6:40

Yeah, they shot out to the crew Shot out to the crew, shot out to the crew. It's an amazing crew. I mean, I've never been on TV before, so I don't know what other kinds of crews exist and all. But this has to be the cream of the crop, like best of the best, hey.

Chantée Christian: 6:56

Hey, hey, oh, they were so awesome Guests, and then people that weren't part of the crew that were there. Everyone just kept talking about how seamless of an operation it was, and I'm just so appreciative to have had them with me on this part of the journey, right, cause it was it's the first time, and so I wanted to be around people that made me feel comfortable. That's great, because there are so many things and, like I've never done this before, the podcast is easy, cause no one ever sees us and they just hear us, and that's easy enough. But to be on TV, and so then I'm like, oh well, I don't know, but no, I love the product, I love what we did, I love the content, I love how everything just came together and I know that season two is going to be amazing, so I'm excited about that.

Chantée Christian: 7:55

I'm excited too, I'm excited. I'm excited. So child psychology, that's heavy, especially in this era in life that we are living. Yes, what type of advice would you give parents in a space of coping with the challenges that children are facing right now?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 8:22

Well, the biggest advice I can give initially is just, it's never wrong, if your gut is telling you that maybe your children are struggling with something, to just seek for advice of a professional. Sometimes we may wait until it's glaring before we get to a place where we actually say, okay, I'm going to make an appointment. However, even early on with the first concern like even if we're just giving reassurance, that reassurance can be super valuable. And so and I've been there so I feel like, ultimately, the best advice right now is just to just be open to considering making an appointment for your child to be seen by a professional with the first concern that you have.

Chantée Christian: 9:10

And so and I think that that's good, right, Cause it's I think and I don't have any children, I always like to put that out there right, and as an outsider looking in, it's always easier to say, hey, have you noticed XYZ? Versus where the parents like, oh well, they always do that or something to that nature, Cause I can imagine that some parents have some guilt and some shame around it, so how do you help them navigate that as well?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 9:41

Yeah, and you said it right, that a lot of parents feel a measure of guilt and shame Number one, because I just think, as a mother, oftentimes our first go-to when something is wrong with our child is what did I do wrong? And so we might blame ourselves, whether it's something that we did while carrying them in our room space, like, oh, I was just anxious, just too anxious, or I shouldn't have worked as much as I did, or, you know, whatever the case may be, I shouldn't have smoked a cigarette, like whatever. And so that dealing with that shame and guilt sometimes is a process that might inhibit us getting the help that we need in a timely fashion. It's real and it's understandable to feel that way, but we can't stay there and let it immobilize us. So I think helping parents to see that there's it's multifactorial A lot of times the issues that children have and genetics is one, but certainly we're not to blame ourselves for that, you know, or shame ourselves for that.

Chantée Christian: 10:46

Yeah, that's good, because so often we we in general right project our own stuff on others, and so I love the idea of stepping aside and taking a beat and evaluating the child as they are and not as you're thinking, oh, I could have, I should have if this didn't happen, kind of space.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 11:15

Yeah, what did I do to them? Mm-hmm, or what even? What does this expose? Maybe, if I bring my child to care, like is all my dirty laundry gonna be airing me you know, I did have to tap them on the behind a couple of times, or I, you know, or whatever the case may be, that it's facing, you know, our insecurities in a way, or exposing our own vulnerabilities. Maybe it's something that we also dealt with, that we never addressed, so it's difficult to see that in our kids or to just really decide that it needs to be addressed in them. I had a father who suffered with social anxiety the majority of his life and the young girl was about six years old and five or six, and she had really bad social anxiety to the extent, or significant social anxiety to the extent that she was mute, selectively mute, and so they brought he and his wife brought their child to care. She got better, but he said that he suffered with it, untreated, until from like elementary school all the way through high school.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 12:27

And I just thought like oh, man, if he had attention earlier that he wouldn't have had to suffer for so long. And thank God he knew to. You know it didn't get in the way of him bringing his child to care and he got to witness her getting better. You know it's beautiful.

Chantée Christian: 12:44

I think that there's so much power in the sacrifice of your own ego.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 12:53

Oh my gosh, that's big.

Chantée Christian: 12:56

It's so powerful because, while it may not be typically seen as ego, it's this space of controlling the narrative Like well, I'm a great parent, so there can't be anything wrong with them. This has nothing to do with your parentship.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 13:18

Right, exactly Right. Yeah, they may think a child psychiatrist is going to point out good or bad parenting, right, yeah, but you're right, it really isn't. I mean, there's always ways in which we might just need education around, like how to navigate this particular issue that has arisen. And so now, with that, you know, you need an expert to say, okay, well, when it comes to discipline in this constant, in this circumstance, like, okay, tighten the reins, you got to know when to tighten the reins, when to loosen them. Right, just partnership around those decisions, as opposed to thinking that then we're just going to air it and judge it because there is no judgment. This is a safe, sacred place, you know, for both to heal in the process.

Chantée Christian: 14:09

Yeah, and when I said ego, you said that was big, so what? And you all can't see her. But the reaction was like we got to go back to that. That's funny.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 14:20

I mean because people use ego various ways, and when you said it it's sound. We're talking about what gets in the way of being able to see truth, right, but then there's also that thing that wants to keep us safe and keep us in a box, and so that working against that is not easy, because it's designed to keep us safe. I mean, it exists to keep us safe, but it's not necessarily truth, and that's the issue. Our intuition resonates, true, but the ego is not necessarily true.

Chantée Christian: 15:01

Yes, if I had something white, I'd throw it at you.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 15:06

Yes, leave it in your hands, listen.

Chantée Christian: 15:12

Because if we are paying attention and being in a space of receptiveness and honesty, then we know that our intuition is telling us something we might not know exactly what it is. We might not even like want to hear what it is, but if we're in a space where we can let go and let the ego be where it's going to be, then we'll be able to use that as a guiding principle. And I'm not saying take the child to healthcare and all the things on every instance. No, however, you know your child.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 15:53

Yeah, yes, exactly. So. I'm glad you said that, because I was thinking like when I said, at the first sign of something I know I would, the first level of concern that could lead someone to then write one and trigger reaction just goes straight to the doctor with something you know, the smallest thing, I guess, but also it's probably more aptly put to say, with the first urging of your spirit. So that's your intuition, again speaking when you, as you're using your mother gut to say something isn't right. You know what I mean. It's not, as we can't always put our finger on that thing, but it doesn't lie and that is what I mean. You know that. That's kind of what I, what I meant to say.

Chantée Christian: 16:37

No, I think the best right on right, because what if someone doesn't really know what their intuition is right? So, yes, you know, we kind of talked about it a little bit on the show Around, like trusting it, identifying it. But I get a lot of questions around manifesting and around intuition, and so I'm curious from your perspective, because you've been taught in Western medicine and Eastern Right and so you have a different perspective. And so how do people identify with okay, this is my intuition, versus this is just nerves?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 17:24

I love that, because this is really what I love to do in therapy with people, a lot of kids and adults and so With an adult, for example, let me watch out. I might take them back to a moment where they Felt an urging in their body and really try to get to where they felt it, something where they have an outcome that they can Tied to it. They already know how it went right and they might say, oh, I had a feeling right. So we go back to that and be like, okay, well, what was that feeling? Where did you feel it in your body? What was it telling you? What did you get an image associated with it? Did you get some type of other awareness? And so that might give you a space to start in terms of really identifying, like, how your intuition speaks to you, because it can be a very still, quiet, subtle voice and, and so our heart, when, when we have strong feelings, can override it, our brain can overthink it so easily, and so being able to really get in touch with, kind of like when it you know how you experience it, and so sometimes we got a tap into just when you've experienced it before and something you know, you had an inkling, you had it, you had it. You know some type of Urging, some pool and people use various ways to describe it. And with children I don't know if I said this on the show, but just like, sometimes, even just, I get my six year old, seven year old, to just practice, like closing your eyes we're at a stoplight and try to tell me when you think the light is gonna turn green. Just just as a little simple exercise and going with how you feel, what feels, what feelings come to you, but you're feeling with a different sense, right so? So I think, and I also share with people like I Was I had a condo in DC and I was trying to sell it and I renovated it, but I had to go with three different, that was trying to decide between three different contractors. One was someone I usually go with, another was someone recommended. The one I usually go with was like mid-range figure. The one recommended was highball. And then the third one was someone I found on a website that I admired his work, but he was interior designer, not a contractor, but he worked with contractors. But he had a lowball figure and I went ahead and met up with him, given that he had a lowball figure. When I met with him he was wearing a three-piece suit and I kind of was like that's interesting.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 20:06

So first little inclination that something doesn't feel right about that. I didn't know how to put my finger on it and that's where we might second guess it, because we don't know how to explain it. But see, you don't have to explain away intuition. That feeling that something isn't quite right was the message right? And so then, when I walked up the steps and he was walking behind me, I got this ick feeling. Like an ick it showed up like in my neck and right shoulder, like it was just like a clear no. But because it was fleeting, I kept on walking up the steps.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 20:45

I went ahead and entertain this guy and booked him to do the job and he called me out of 6,400, 6,400 dollars. And and I thought to myself and I often use this as an example when we talk about intuition but not do with patience to say it didn't make logical sense. Right, he came in at the right dollar figure and I admired his work. So to say no didn't make logical sense. But To say no if I was following my intuition doesn't have to make logical sense, because that's wisdom, true wisdom, and if I had just acted on it I would still had, I would have been up 64.

Chantée Christian: 21:30

Right because then my question is that's a very expensive lesson in listening to your intuition. So expensive because he got that, but then you had to go get somebody else to go do, still do the work.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 21:44

Exactly yes, I did. Yes, I did so very costly, and and and it's and. It's good, because sometimes wisdom homes are intuition, because again I can look at that and know If that it feeling comes up again in my neck and shoulder oh, it's an absolute no, and I don't need another experience to tell me that. Now that I have that salient experience to tell me, okay, that was my body, that was my wisdom, that was my god wisdom inside saying it's just no period period.

Chantée Christian: 22:21

No, and I think that that's so powerful because so often we have hits right, literally intuitive hits, yes, and we ignore them as Anything or just it's just a thing, it's nothing, right. I remember similar, but not the same. Um, I have been looking. I was like, okay, I'm gonna go back into the corporate world, let me go look at some jobs. I pulled them up and I literally got a pain in my back and in my stomach in the moment of reading them and I was like, nope, not gonna do this.

Chantée Christian: 22:57

I heard it loud and clear Right now where, if I wasn't aware, I would have been like oh, I don't know what I did to my back, but my back was perfectly fine before that and it went away when I closed the computer. Oh man, right. And so I was like whatever that was in that job description was not for me Right. And being in a space to be able to say hold on what's happening, like I like to tell my clients, just take a beat. Just take a beat, because just because you say yes to something doesn't mean you can't go back and say, no, that's right. That's right, you know, because once you gain more information and paying attention you'd be like Still does not resonate with me, that's right.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 23:42

Right, that's right, absolutely. It's never too late when it comes down to acting on that wisdom that comes from the gut.

Chantée Christian: 23:51

And I wonder, right like I'm thinking about so, one of my clients. He has two children who are queens and pre-tweens. Um, as he was like he wanted to make sure that he was cultivating spaces of happiness for them. And one of the questions I asked him was well, how do they resolve conflict? And he kind of looked at me and he was like, well, we kind of mediated His wife and him mediated. Ok, I said, well, if they're 9 and 12, they now have an opportunity to be able to say I actually need a break. Disconversation is not serving me right now, that's right.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 24:42

Yeah, yeah.

Chantée Christian: 24:44

And being able to respect that. I was like, ok, you're taking a break when you're coming back, but we learned those things at home.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 24:53

No, absolutely Right yeah.

Chantée Christian: 24:55

Like. Think about how your children will be so much more open to all things, intuition, all things on both sides of I like to call it hocus pocus, right, like all things on both sides of it, because they've been exposed to it.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 25:15

Yes, creating opportunities for them to learn this new language. I mean because it's not something for whatever reason that's like generally spoken of, or at least not in my generation coming up. I always feel so old when I say that. But yeah, like, and I always say also just in my medical education at that point in the early 2000s, yeah, no, they didn't speak of intuition, and not once. So I think and even in residency I'm not quite as much as I value and thankful for the training I received they didn't speak of that. So, yeah, I mean and I appreciate you saying that I definitely feel like I hope that they, my children, benefit from just having at least just that awareness for them to start maybe practicing this skill early in life. Hopefully we'll keep them from wasting $6,400.

Chantée Christian: 26:25

That's so funny. Or even just like. I mean I remember in college being like, no, I don't want to go out tonight, I can't put my hand on it, I just don't want to go. And then something happens at that club or out after the club and I'm like, oh, thank god I didn't go. But that is also listening to your intuition, right, those are intuitive hits and feel like teaching children early to pay attention to when there is this form of body reaction. Body reaction, yes, you know that's important because it can keep them safe.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 27:10

Yeah, and don't push them, Like, as parents we might, you know, for etiquette sake, like, oh, like I saw somebody on Instagram talking about this like, okay, your child says I don't really want to hug them, but you know, uncle Johnny, and then you know you're like, don't be rude to Uncle Johnny. Like, go hug him. What do you mean? Like, how are you going to be here in his presence? But maybe it's for a reason and there's a way to still have etiquette around that decision. But that's maybe a boundary that we have to respect. And what are you teaching them? You're teaching them to honor themselves right In the process, first and foremost right, and to not ignore feelings and you might process it later, you know. But, yeah, like, don't push them, if they're having a feeling that makes them kind of, even without evidence or fact, to align with that feeling, to just push beyond their boundary that they're trying to set.

Chantée Christian: 28:14

Yeah, children know when something ain't right. They know, right, they're like they know, and if you allow them and it's like you said, it's helping them and coaching them around how to say no, thank you, right, and then processing it with them, but coming from a space of curiosity. So what's going on? Why didn't you wanna have Uncle Johnny?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 28:43

Yes, yes, exactly, exactly. Yeah, because that's the next level of just understanding and awareness that can be then a future garden principle based on that experience.

Chantée Christian: 28:55

Yeah, definitely, it's important to do that, yeah like I think about how often especially culturally right we have this space of well, if they're family, then you gotta speak, you gotta give hugs, you gotta give kisses you have, and it's like where did we come up with this? Because if these people were out on the street I wouldn't be hugging them and wouldn't be talking to them, or I would right. But as a kid, we take away their identity as children, I think right, or and or we put on them that they're children and like, oh well, they don't know.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 29:37

Exactly.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 29:37

And then I'm like, okay, if we're really doing parenting right, parenting appropriately, we'll realize that maybe they're teaching us Like you know what I mean.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 29:52

Like how much do we as parents step back and say, okay, I'm learning from my child, you know, cause I think some old school, you know an old school mentality, maybe in our culture kind of like might be like gonna do as I say, or our children are to be seen and not heard, and so you lose the value of what a child might have to say that could liberate us, and especially really early on, when they're so close to the womb space, so close to the spirit, you know, spirit realm, where they're still operating, in that their intuition is probably firing way more, you know, than ours is spontaneously, because over time they unlearn it, right, we unlearn it, and so I think you know being able to just like actually respect that it's kind of like why African culture some African cultures depend upon what region that a lot of times a child early in life spends more time with the grandparents than they do with the parents themselves, because they both are so close to you know the other side, that they have so much to teach each other.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 31:12

You know what I mean, and so a lot of that has to do with spirit, and so, yeah, I mean we have a lot to learn from children and I just didn't know that that's part of why I was called to do the work. I knew I was drawn to children for a reason, but I just couldn't put it into words early on until I started to get into it and had my own special process and I'm like, okay, this is more of the reason why they're teaching me.

Chantée Christian: 31:37

That's awesome. It's awesome, you learn something new every day. I did not know that about. I mean, it makes perfect sense, right, how one is closer on the other end.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 31:51

Yeah, that came alive for me in reading a book of Water and Spirit the name is escaping me right now, but yet that was a nice detail of his experience in West Africa and I learned a lot about, just culturally, what it means to grow up in that region and, like I said, it's been time more with your grandparents in that early stage than you do your parents.

Chantée Christian: 32:21

Yeah, I wonder how that's interesting. I'm digging that. I'm gonna have to check it out. I'm gonna have to check it out Because for parents who question therapy for themselves, let alone for the children, what does it look like to be able to set their mind at ease? That this isn't penny dreadful, all right, I don't know if you've ever watched penny dreadful. I've never seen it, so it's more so around vampires. But no, never mind any of that. It has their version of psychotherapy it's what they call it, right, and they're doing like electric shock. They're doing all of these very traumatic things and so it's almost like myth busting. So how do you myth bust therapy specifically for children, especially for people who won't even go and do it for themselves?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 33:24

Oh, that's a heavy question. I remember the name is Maladoma Somme. That's the author of Water and the Spirit. Okay, so, oh gosh, how do you myth bust when it has to relates to children, when the parents are having a hard time with it themselves?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 33:45

I think a lot of it has to do with relationship and word of mouth and like how you can just initially identify with someone enough to then be open to hear more about you know what what therapy brings. I mean, we're talking more about therapy. I do think it is this less stigmatized things to a lot of initiatives. And I think, as we continue to have spaces like this to really talk about, like how what therapy is like to hear my voice as African American female who does it, and actually also I have my own therapist I mean just normalizing it, I think across the board is super helpful.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 34:43

And then I think, when you're talking about your child, is that extra layer that goes beyond what we might face if it's just us, because of that protective nature we have towards our kids, and so you don't want to just hand your child over to anybody, and so you know, field us like, interview us like, you know, like to be able to make sure that all your questions are answered and that and that you feel comfortable based on the conversation that you had. Like I'll do discovery calls with people just so that I can explain my practice. We can chat a bit about what's bringing you to treatment and we can really explore where if I'm the best fit for you, seemingly or not and that happens in the first appointment too, you know. So I guess that was a long winded way of saying that maybe we're talking about greater conversations and just being open enough to ask questions and realize you're still in the driving seat when you're making this decision. But you will not get a chance if you don't actually at least be open enough to learn more.

Chantée Christian: 35:54

Yeah, I love that.

Chantée Christian: 35:56

I love that because and I talk about this with my coaching clients in our first session like our discovery conversation, as well as the differences, like the major difference or differentiator between coaching and therapy, right, and I usually use the example of what if some imagine that something traumatic happens, a five year old version of you and your therapist is going to want to heal that version of you and talk about what happened.

Chantée Christian: 36:28

How did you feel? Who was involved? Possibly invite them in with that exact same scenario over to coaching, and we're going to acknowledge it, we're going to validate it, we're going to talk about it a little bit, but we're not coming from the same space of healing your past. We're coming from a space of your current and your future, right, and so and the questions will be different, right, and how we engage will be different, because my questions are more so, okay, knowing what you know now, yes, yes, how is that serving you to hold on to that space right here, right now, exactly? Or knowing how and where you want to go, how is it holding you back from the future version of yourself or something to that effect? Right, and so it's really, I think, important for people to understand that if something traumatic happened to a five year old version of your child, you can help them really live at their full potential, which is what every parent really wants. Yes, right, sooner.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 37:37

That's right. That's exactly right. That's an excellent way to differentiate between therapy and coaching. I love how you put that. I mean because I get that question too sometimes, and sometimes it's a tough distinction. So that's beautifully put.

Chantée Christian: 37:54

And it doesn't always have to be traumatic, right, it can be something, but everything is traumatic. Like sitting in traffic for me these days is traumatic. I start having flashbacks of pre pandemic, having to go on the client site and driving and sitting in the car and I'm like, oh my God, I don't want to do this Right, and I need to figure out a way to unwind. It's just, it has an effect on me, right, it'll take me back to a space that doesn't mean that someone who has had other traumatic experiences. They don't outweigh each other, my version of traumatic versus their version of traumatic and vice versa, and so I think that it's really important. Like you said, there are some removing of sigmatisms and, right, there's still this space of, well, there's nothing wrong with me. Well, you don't have to have something wrong with you or your child for there to be a space where you seek support.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 38:51

Yes, yeah, exactly. And so judge the behavior, not the being right that helps you step away from it in a way where it's like, okay, let me stop assigning so much meaning to this as maybe a function of me, but just isolating the behavior itself. And we're humans, so we're all going to struggle with certain behaviors. Yeah, you know, yeah.

Chantée Christian: 39:15

And you said even that you have a therapist.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 39:19

Oh gosh yeah.

Chantée Christian: 39:20

I tell people all the time coaches have coaches, therapists have therapists. Yes, and if you're with anyone who isn't working on themselves, go get you a new one. Yes, that's right. That's great advice. That's right. Right, Because even hairstylists have a hairstyle that they'll go to for certain things. Right, even if they can do it themselves. It's the part of the self-improvement literally Right, because we're all working on something. We're all working on something. So that's good stuff, good stuff. So tell me, what would you leave the people with?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 40:05

Well, because I feel like we've been talking about intuition today, which is my favorite topic of conversation, I would say just to get cozy with your intuition, really learn about how your inner wisdom speaks to you and your honor. That's what I want to leave people with. Oh, I love that. Get cozy with it. Yes, Get cozy with it All right all right, all right.

Chantée Christian: 40:34

So if people wanted to reach out to you, find you work with you. What does that look like?

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 40:41

So I can be found one at my website at carolinhowlmdcom that's C-A-R-O-L-Y-N-H-O-W-E-L-L-M-Dcom, and then also on social media platforms. Instagram is my name Carolyn Howell MD.

Chantée Christian: 41:02

That's probably the best way, okay cool beans, and we'll also have it in the show notes so people can grab it there too. So thank you so much for finally joining me.

Dr. Carolyn Howell: 41:12

Don't say finally yes, y'all, because you just don't know how I've been trying to get this woman on this podcast. You had to open it back up. I'm thankful. I appreciate it.

Chantée Christian: 41:26

Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the my Best Shift podcast. I really enjoyed this conversation with Carolyn. We talked about so many things with one common thread trusting our intuition. For more information or if you'd like to reach out to us, please visit at mybestshift_llc on Instagram. Remember stop doing shit that doesn't serve you. See ya later.