S4E4: Unmasking the Complexity of Authenticity (with Kevin Holmes)

As promised this episode is a continuation of episode 3! Buckle up it's going to be a funny and bumpy ride!

Ever felt the weight of silence pressing down on you after a long day of work, even though you crave deep connections with your partner? Ever held back from expressing your true feelings simply to maintain a façade of peace? Kevin and I discuss what it looks like to manage these paradoxes in relationships. As we dive into the realm of authenticity and vulnerability, we'll explore ways to balance the often conflicting needs for space and connection.

We've all been there - the fear of acceptance, the discomfort of conflict, and the challenge of being honest. Kevin shares his insights on navigating these complexities and fostering healthier relationships. We ponder on strategies that would help us stay true to ourselves, yet effectively manage the dynamics of different interactions. How about taking our conversations from zero to one hundred, bringing about productive outcomes?

Embrace the power of self-discovery and growth, as we discuss how life's ups and downs shape us into better individuals. Kevin, the co-creator of the insightful podcast, the Game Recognize Game. Ultimately, we remind you of your lifeline - a strong support network, a fortress of strength during challenging times. Join us on this insightful journey to forge more authentic relationships.

More about Kevin: Kevin is a Man, Dad, Brother, Son, Lover, Educator, DJ, Podcaster and Light worker. Follow him on IG at @iamyourdjkev and @grgrljkev.

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INSPIRED ACTIONS/THOUGHTS FOR THIS EPISODE:
How would you answer the question...tell me about yourself?
How do you show up in relationships?
What are you afraid people will find out about you?
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Transcript

Chantée Christian: 0:00

You are listening to the my Best Shift podcast Podcast Podcast Podcast Podcast Podcast Podcast Podcast Podcast, podcast, podcast Podcast. I told you all that we could talk for hours. If you thought the first part was good, wait until you listen to this second amazing continuation of our conversation. Kevin and I talk about the essence of my favorite question Tell me about yourself.

Kevin Holmes: 0:31

Oh I know, Because with you I really like damn, what could I say that you don't already know? Or what can I present of myself to your audience that I'm comfortable with sharing? Yeah, Like it's crazy, right, Mm-hmm. And I think when you meet people and you're in new environments, like we all have that crossroads.

Chantée Christian: 0:56

Mm-hmm, Absolutely Like. I always have to think about Brené Brown when it comes to vulnerability, because she has this where she talks about like when she'll meet somebody on the plane. They'll be like, what do you do? And she's like it depends on how much I want to talk to them. If I really do want to shut it down, I tell them that I'm a psychologist for working on our vulnerability expert and blah, blah, blah.

Kevin Holmes: 1:18

They'll be like oh, I don't know what the hell that is next. Right, and so, excuse me, I'm like the peanuts and the presumes, right.

Chantée Christian: 1:28

And so, but she just talks about even how it's a struggle at home. Sometimes you know, like just to be open, and I'm like I dig that. Yeah, I dig that because occupational hazard you're vulnerable all day and you're listening to other people's vulnerabilities Don't really want to come home and be that talkative and open, like I want to have some surface level conversation, but then because of my level of awareness I refuse to allow certain surface level situations to go on.

Kevin Holmes: 2:02

So then I'm like but you know the crazy part, shantae, that's a learned behavior though Facts. You know what I'm saying. So when you said you know you have these conversations all day. You're in this environment, your brain is constantly working and that is really part of my journey, right, being young, being black, being a male and various exclusive higher ed organizations Right, yep, and being the one of few.

Kevin Holmes: 2:34

It's almost like you have this 24 hour conversation with yourself to combat the imposter syndrome to you know, settle your nerves so that you can then go forward in an environment and really be authentic. And I can be Kevin, 24 seven. Yeah, because a lot of those environments don't want you to do that. They want to put you in a set box. Yeah, that doesn't give you the bandwidth to stretch out and really explore who you are or what you're dealing with, or sharing part of your true, authentic life story. Yeah, and so it's unfortunate.

Kevin Holmes: 3:15

But when you talk about the inability to do that in your home life is even crazier, because I just remember, like being married and coming home and a lot of the conversations that me and my ex-wife would have.

Kevin Holmes: 3:32

It's like damn, I don't think she understands that. I legit been talking to people all day. I've been making decisions all day, yeah, and like be mindful of my own quirkiness in this experience, and so then when I get home, it's like yo, I just want to, I just want to breathe, take a breath, yeah, and let my shoulders relax, yeah, maybe. Maybe let my head down a little bit, yeah, and try to figure it out, yeah. But I also think, even in that environment, I didn't necessarily take on the role of being a husband or father or the man air quotes, the man of the house, without taking some of the stuff that helped me succeed in my profession, yeah, like the onus of being responsible for others, the onus on you know, the success of this organization falls solely on your back. Yeah, but I don't think that's how, like, families work. You know what I'm saying.

Chantée Christian: 4:39

So that's the thing, like cause cause. I've been on the other side too right, and I find myself even more often because I work remotely and my person right now doesn't that I want to talk.

Kevin Holmes: 4:51

That's fair.

Chantée Christian: 4:52

Like I want to. I know you've been working, but I still got shit to say, right, and it's this wild balance that, like so we do relationship check-ins.

Kevin Holmes: 5:05

I'm going to have to steal that one. Let me get my pen and pad. Let me get my check-ins.

Chantée Christian: 5:09

Yeah, we do a check. Tell me more, we do a toast check, like you know what's going well, what's not going well, what would you like to see improved by the next one? Do you even want to continue to go to a next one? Right, like, let's have a real conversation about what do you need? And I was telling one of my friends about it and he was like you are operating like your relationship is a business and I said it is, it is.

Kevin Holmes: 5:37

Yo, it's real rap.

Chantée Christian: 5:39

That's cool. That's cool, I said, and I'm happy that I found someone who was down with the relationship check-ins before I could even say it. Right, because it is. And when you have two people at the head of this organization, although one of them may be the president and another one is the vice president, I don't even look at it as president, as vice president.

Kevin Holmes: 6:04

It's more like co-founders Boom. Y'all are co-founders of that organization.

Chantée Christian: 6:08

Co-founder yes, co-founders, right, and in a space of co-founders, like we're not always going to agree on things, we're not always going to be in sync about, like just life and growth and stuff, and if we don't check in and do a post check on this organization, it ain't going to be one.

Kevin Holmes: 6:35

I'm still that Chantée and it resonates so much with me because I'm dating a wonderful person right now and it's a long distance situation Me too, and I ain't talking about like a couple of states down, I'm talking like 3,000 miles away, right, and the thing that I think has kept me engaged is the fact that I have to be intentional of having those check-ins, because really you want your close people to have enough information and insight and experiences with you to be able to hopefully anticipate the question that you ask Tell me about yourself. But we never have those conversations with everyone significant others, family members, co-workers, neighbor you know what I mean. And so it's crazy because like somebody could be crazy close to you, in proximity, and they don't know who you are as a person. That's it, that's it. It's scary, but I just had like an epiphany. Like man that is. I think that is the crux of why relationships fail. Ooh, tell me more.

Kevin Holmes: 8:00

Okay, so let's go back to the original question. Tell me about yourself and you're in a job interview. I can tell you about myself and you see from my resume that I have the requisite skills. In the interview you can see that you know my personality probably is a decent fit for your organization. However, on the surface level, it's like wow, this is a great employee, but you never get to the fact of, oh well, you're never on time. Oh, I don't like to be on time, right, I'm never punctual. You never truthful in that response, you never transparent with that response. You know what I'm saying. Do you like being part of teams? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Well, are you accustomed to working in diverse environments? Well, usually I am the diversity in my environment. So I guess that's what's really. Yes, absolutely All right. So I don't know if we're ever truthful and, most importantly, when you consider the organization, they're never gonna tell you who they are as an organization as transparently as you possibly would like to know they're never gonna do that Listen.

Kevin Holmes: 9:15

It's like yeah, well, you know, the morale sucks, the pay's pretty good. I don't know if this contract we just signed it's gonna be renewed, but you know we got salary for you for the rest of this fiscal year. The position has been posted. We're gonna save all the details for later. You know what I mean and so, like, that's how it works. If you are an employee or a prospective employee for a company, or you are a prospective mate or potential mate or potential partner for someone that you wanna be involved with, like, there's always a level of fear. Like, am I dope enough to communicate that? Yo man, I'm wearing multifocal contact lenses. You know what I'm saying? Like, the side of my head is getting more gray by the day. I'm just happy I got somewhat of a hairline and I wear bangs to cover up my big forehead.

Chantée Christian: 10:17

Wait, I did not say the forehead part , I did say oh well, you didn't say it, but you meant.

Kevin Holmes: 10:21

I knew what you meant, though I knew what you meant. Shantay has been getting on me about my bangs for like the last three years, you know.

Chantée Christian: 10:28

Yo, they been real.

Kevin Holmes: 10:30

I keep the bangs popping. Baby Natural hair don't care.

Chantée Christian: 10:33

Let me ask that you know and it's so crazy you say that. So one of my clients came to me last week week before last and she's going on the first date in years and she said that one of her biggest fear was that she's gonna find the guy that she likes. He's not gonna like her for who she really is. Oh, that's hot. And I said if anyone you talk to were honest with you, they tell you that that was their biggest fear too. Am I gonna find somebody who, when they find out who I really am, that they still fuck with me? That's true. And I told cause she was like, yeah, like I haven't been, you know, really showing who I am? And I said well, if you don't show them who you are, how will you ever know if you actually like them and or their response to who you are?

Kevin Holmes: 11:28

Because at the end of the day, the rubber will meet the road and something's gonna happen. Like myself, tell me about yourself. Well, you know, I'm a pretty easy going guy. Pretty easy going guy, you know, I like to get along, I like to create positive environments, but when there's a cancer in my environment, I like to bully. Bullies, right, you know what I'm saying. Like if you're a bully, you like if, or if you're, if, I know that you have a track record of being inconsiderate and not really caring and being self-absorbed and caring about yourself. There's probably gonna be a moment in time where I'm gonna conflict with that. Yeah, yeah, I know it. Yeah, do you say it?

Chantée Christian: 12:09

though I don't know Like. I think back to the last like nine to five job interview that I did. I walked away and was like damn, it was a great interview but I'm not gonna get the job. Because I felt as though I was too honest. They asked me how did I handle conflict? And I said, well, do you want me to lie to you or do you want me to tell you the truth? And they looked at me like this is crazy. So I said you know, I want to assess the situation, I want to understand what's going on, and then I'm going straight in with all of the research that I have to have this conversation. I said to me conflict just means that we're not in agreement, like there's a ruffle and it doesn't have to be this huge thing. But if you just, like you said, with cancer, if you let it spread.

Kevin Holmes: 12:59

no, you got to nip it in the bud. You got to cut that thing all the way out. Yeah Right.

Chantée Christian: 13:04

And if we got to get radiation and all the other things, let's do it, because what we're not going to do is allow one thing and or person to sabotage this whole situation. And they looked at me and they looked at each other and I was like that's me and I think about, like even in relationships I'm a lot more passive, aggressive than not, and it's funny.

Kevin Holmes: 13:28

So you're faking with the smoke Like you want the smoke but you don't really want the smoke. Well, it's like you fan in the smoke a little bit.

Chantée Christian: 13:35

I fan the smoke. I fan the smoke to see what's happening.

Kevin Holmes: 13:39

Uh huh, uh huh, you being slick, that's what you're doing, you being slick.

Chantée Christian: 13:44

And then once I see what's happening, then I'm like uh huh, okay, all right, and I know that's the asshole in me. I'm fully aware that's not me Smoke signals.

Kevin Holmes: 13:53

Though that's the crazy point you, you fan in the smoke, but you sending me all the smoke signals with all the messages and all the Lennie Williams songs.

Chantée Christian: 14:00

Well, I mean, and then right. So I and I do realize that about myself too, I do go from zero to 100. Now I crank up to 100 because in my mind I've given us opportunity and space to get on the corrective mode. But it's also who you're with Right. Just like how we said, depending on who asks you who are you, or tell me a little bit about yourself, your answer is going to be different. Who we're with will bring out different things in us.

Kevin Holmes: 14:33

I hope my friend knows that. I think she knows by now that I like the smoke. I don't necessarily want to run into the burning building or create the fire, but like, like you said, like you could get turned up to 100. Like, tell me about yourself, tell me more about you. Like yo, I'm with the shit sometimes.

Chantée Christian: 14:51

Sometimes. What do you say? What Beyoncé say "I got time today Sometimes.

Kevin Holmes: 14:57

I like the environment of being on the hundred on occasion. See, like when I was younger, then it was zero to 100, real quick, real quick. You know what I'm saying. I'm like 40 plus now. I'm kind of like Marlowe in the wire at the end of the wire.

Kevin Holmes: 15:15

The last episode, marlowe's like at this event, trying to figure out how to funnel his money and wash his money and he, looking at a corner boy outside of a window, like he's at this, like hotel or office building, he see, like he see the drug activity across the street and he leaves the office party and he goes to that corner and he takes the corner. He goes up to the corner boys, smacks the corner boy, takes his drugs, takes his money and the corner boy runs off scared and he's like, yeah, I like it was almost like he needed the smoke, he needed the action. Yeah, but as you, you know, as you evolve, like it's still in you, it's never going away, the fact that you like to get ratcheted up to a hundred. It's never going to go away. Shantae is who you are.

Chantée Christian: 16:01

It's part of who you are, I know. That's why I need somebody that's patient.

Kevin Holmes: 16:04

If somebody asks you like, tell me about yourself, you should say like yo, I like to be on the hundred on occasion. On occasion, yeah, it keeps me. It keeps me young, keeps my skin glowing Right.

Chantée Christian: 16:19

Like yeah, he'd be like that, excellated real quick. I'm like oh, for real, I was just asking a question.

Kevin Holmes: 16:27

I have a similar problem, Chantée. I got a similar problem, like real talk, I got a similar problem.

Chantée Christian: 16:31

Oh, that's how you feel Like whoa, that's not what I said, but that is what you did.

Kevin Holmes: 16:38

I be having to clarify myself too, because you know, you know, especially you know you dealing with the distance thing. It's like a multimedia process of communication. It might be video, it might be phone, it might be text. It's usually quicker. But I get in more trouble with the text messages though. Yeah, because you know people take stuff out of context or like I have this system If I get mad I'll do like text to talk, or, you know, record it, Never send it, never hit the send button on those.

Chantée Christian: 17:10

You gotta reread that.

Kevin Holmes: 17:11

Because that will get you in trouble. That will get you in trouble and probably get you blocked Chantée, and that's just from personal experience. You know what I'm saying. Oh yeah, all right.

Kevin Holmes: 17:22

So I get it like never saying what you're thinking, but I do feel like that's kind of important to present who you are Like it's a level of awareness we need to have about ourselves to be able to articulate it and communicate it in, whether it's for acceptance or to let somebody know like I'm with the shits, I'm turned up, so enter at your own risk.

Chantée Christian: 17:46

Yeah, like, oh my God, what was the name of the judge with the really short hair? The black lady, and she's always reading people.

Kevin Holmes: 17:57

Oh my God, Does she have a husband that just passed away? Young people we can pull up the.

Chantée Christian: 18:02

What's herr name? Est yet judge? Oh, she did, divorce court, she did divorce, but then she have a.

Kevin Holmes: 18:10

I think her husband or something that just passed away.

Chantée Christian: 18:13

Oh, I didn't realize he passed away. Yeah, cause her husband's like or he's like six foot something, a big dude. And she even wrote in her book about how like they were in a house together for years and never spoke cause they were beefing that tough.

Kevin Holmes: 18:28

And they were still in the house together, still in the house together. They couldn't afford to get separate houses no like he was like no, they could.

Chantée Christian: 18:35

she was a judge and he was, you know. But they, they had young kids and Kids have put a damper on your relationship, man, I give you that they will.

Kevin Holmes: 18:48

They will Now. I love my son. I love my son, but what I'm saying is, when you have children in the household, then like, if you got two adults this beefing, then it's like, all right, well, we'll eff that other person. I'm gonna put all my attention and this little person, and then that little person it eventually grows up to be a big person and they gonna piss you off. So then, who you gonna direct your beef with? You know what I'm saying Pissed off the person that you supposed to be riding with. And now you mad at your kid. But that's true, yes, Judge Lynn.

Chantée Christian: 19:20

Judge Lynn, Judge Lynn and her husband.

Kevin Holmes: 19:23

Resting peace to her husband. Her husband passed before Christmas.

Chantée Christian: 19:26

Oh, yeah, oh, I did not realize that. So she did an interview I think it was with the breakfast club, and she was talking about how she was the one that was wild and crazy and he was the one that was just. It didn't matter what you tried to do, he was unwavered in his calmness and just who he was. And she literally said you can't have two maniacs. No, you can't, man, you can't have two maniacs, you can't. And as the older I get, the more I've realized that, right Like we both can't be ready to go to 100 all the time.

Kevin Holmes: 20:00

See, that's part of my problem, though, Chantée. That's part of my problem with me and my friend man. It's like we both Scorpios, so it could be really really good, If you know what I'm saying, if y'all follow the Horace Goats, that's all of the astrology. It could be really really good, but if it go left, Chantée, Be really really bad.

Kevin Holmes: 20:20

Because, like you said, you can't really have like two maniacs or two people. That's like zero to 100. But like that's my struggle. It's not really a struggle, but I think part of it is because I know that there's distance and things can get misconstrued in, like the communication pathway, like I probably need to be the calm one there, or calmer, or calmer.

Chantée Christian: 20:43

Right, calmer, yeah, yeah, because you're more aware of how you react to things. You're able to put yourself in check, like I know that if I sent a certain text right now he'll be so annoyed, but he still won't shake. But his response to me send me over the edge and I'll go flying. I'll take my cape and I'll go flying right off the cliff.

Kevin Holmes: 21:11

Did you tell him that when he said well, tell me about yourself. And you said, yo, I'm liable to fly off the handle? with a cape , on. And matching boots.

Chantée Christian: 21:21

But he figured it out really quickly and I told him. I said, you know, I know that I could be on 100. And it could be about anything. And when I say 100, I don't mean like I'm not cussing and stomping up, I ain't getting arrested.

Kevin Holmes: 21:35

You know what I'm saying? No, I'm not doing anything like that. That's me, that's me. You know, but I do get some energy around friction You're supposed to, though that's supposed to be a level of, I mean, it's physics.

Chantée Christian: 21:50

Yeah, and so it's like when things are going like real cool, real calm, I'm like what's up, what's, what's you doing?

Kevin Holmes: 21:58

So you wanted them other. You wanted them people to think like when things are going pretty calm and pretty good, like you think like another shoe's going to drop, no, not with him Like or is it like eerily calm, like something, something going to happen?

Chantée Christian: 22:11

It's like why is this going so smooth? Because you're not used to it? Oh, absolutely, OK, Absolutely, and I'm more conscious of that now, right. So I'm like, OK, don't respond with that. And, like you said, with the distance. It's like like I remember when we first started dating, we were talking and responding to texts like boom, boom, boom, boom boom, then you get busy, and you get busy.

Chantée Christian: 22:40

And it's like why talk to this joke in like four hours? What did I say? What did he do? Like how dare so I go through all these range of emotions. And when I was younger he would have caught all of those emotions, right, but instead I sat with it. I sat with it, I sat with it and then I was like oh, he really ain't going to respond to me ever Like so. Then I texted him. I was like yo, this really feels weird, are?

Kevin Holmes: 23:04

you listening to the face she just made when she felt, oh boy, we're going to respond. Brother, if you're listening to me now, just respond, because I don't think you want to see that face, and to your audience. I think that facial expression could probably go up another notch when she on at 100. I'm just saying but that's just 20 years of experience. You know what I'm saying. I ain't mean to put you out there like that, but yeah.

Chantée Christian: 23:32

I mean, it's a true. So imagine me in my room by myself, like what the hell is really going on here. And so I sent him this text and I was like it. Just it feels really weird not to have talked in such a large span of time. And his response to me was a little too nonchalant for a calm version of me and I said, oh OK, all right. And then I said, you know what? I realized that I sound a little crazy, right, because I was like maybe it is me, and so I fell back. But you know, lessons come quickly, and so a couple of days go by. I'm the one that's busy, I'm the one that has my phone on, do not disturb because I'm working. And he was like, oh, I now understand what you meant and I had never been in a space where I felt comfortable enough to share that.

Kevin Holmes: 24:27

Regardless, I don't like to be ignored. My expectation is, if we have a cadence of communicating at this time, this time, this time, with this response, this response, this response, then the expectation level has been set for our partnership Set. But then when something goes left or right, you don't necessarily know why because your distance of busy schedules and things like that, yo, we make a lot of assumptions in our head, we make a lot of stories up in our head, shantay. Yo, we make a lot of stories up G.

Chantée Christian: 24:59

A lot, and then it's right. And so one of the things that I've had to learn is to take a beat on the fact versus the story I created. The fact is I didn't say anything wild and crazy for him not to respond. He's going to respond when he can, right, and so I don't. Anybody knows me knows I don't like to read books, but I listen to them, and there's this book called the Four Agreements. Have you ever read the Four Agreements? Great, great book, great book, right. I literally listen to it every year because I need a reminder that it's not all about me, because, as a only child.

Chantée Christian: 25:35

You take yourself so serious man, right, but as a only child. As you talk about learned behaviors and my parents, I mean, they're not together anymore. Obviously they didn't have a perfect marriage, right. Who was getting all of this attention? Your girl. And so now, as a learned behavior, going into a relationship and it ain't all about me. I mean, I understand a little bit, but when we set the bar, I expect that bar to continue to be set, and when it goes under, then is it something that I need to recalibrate on, or is it something that us as a unit needs to recalibrate on?

Kevin Holmes: 26:12

It's like a coin flip. I think it's. I don't think it's mutually exclusive. I agree, you know what I mean. I think you have to recalibrate because, god knows, I'm just thinking, like you said, that I'm thinking about my son now and I'm just like man, he better, he better, not. I mean, yes, you want a partner, that you are there, everything blah, blah, blah, get all that stuff, but it's still like a way that you can duck yourself. Yeah, right, yeah.

Chantée Christian: 26:38

Yeah, but I feel like you have to learn you, though, right. This is why I think that dating is so important. Had I not gotten back into the dating scene the way I did online dating, I would have never been able to practice the who are you? I would have never been able to practice the. What do you do to get comfortable enough with myself to say, oh, I am a two-time international Amazon bestselling author. I do have a podcast. I I am a coach, I am a consultant, I own my own business. Like, I am these things, and I'm also a daughter, I'm a auntie to a bunch of kids, I'm a friend and and and people like oh well, what's your best talent? Well, what's your biggest gift? My mouth. I have a gift for gab. That's just. It just is. It always has been like that. I didn't know that. Accepting that, though, that's the crazy part.

Kevin Holmes: 27:36

Finally Right, You're finally comfortable with that, with that aspect of of who you are.

Chantée Christian: 27:43

Like and that's real talk. Yeah, cause I hadn't been always, but it's taken time, it's taken experience. And it's taken experiences because had I not been in those, I wouldn't know who. I don't like that, well, I don't like this. Well, how do I say I don't like that? Hmm, how do I say I don't know? And I'm to the point now where, if I show you who I am and I tell you who I am and you don't get down with that, I'm sorry for you.

Kevin Holmes: 28:15

Cause at that point it's none of your business. It's not about business. That's more to do about them than you yeah.

Chantée Christian: 28:22

Yeah, and nothing is out of malice or anything like that. And if I've done something that has offended you, then tell me, but don't assume that I know, true, just like I ain't about to assume that you know that I am like something that you did. So, yeah, it's interesting, so tell me. Yeah, we've talked about a lot. What would you like to leave the people with?

Kevin Holmes: 28:49

I want to answer your question because I don't know if I answered the question in a eloquent manner that I would be accustomed to, so I guess, for your audience, I would like to leave them with. You know, I'm Kevin Holmes man. I'm a ambassador of dopeness, a curator of exquisite vibes, I am a educator, I'm a father, I'm a son, I'm a brother, I'm a dope ass friend, I'm the cool uncle and I really just enjoy being the light worker that I am. I'm an empath. You know what I'm saying. So I'm a lead and love with my heart. I support the people that I care about, I love the people that I care about and, at the end of the day, like you said, I'm still a work in progress, regardless of, like my 20 years of experience in my profession, regardless of the DJ gigs that I've booked, regardless of the viewership or listenership of my podcast, etc. Etc. I am 42 years old and I'm finally coming into my own in terms of being comfortable with who Kevin Holmes is, and that hasn't been a coincidence.

Kevin Holmes: 30:15

That's been through a wide variety of lived and learned experiences A lot of trials, a lot of tribulations, a lot of trauma. The journey of trying to heal from sad trauma, the journey of getting outside of my comfort zone and exploring new things and new ways of thinking and new physical and mental environments. I enjoy life and the trials and tribulations that have occurred in my life have been blessings. People talk about wins and losses. I don't believe in failure. I don't believe in losses. I do believe in failure and losses if you quit and you don't continue on and you get discouraged by the lesson that you're trying to learn or the lesson that maybe you need to learn. But I think, within all of those experiences that helped me identify how I needed to become a better partner for my friend, that helped me identify how I want to ensure that some of the life lessons that I had to learn, I don't want my son to learn those same lessons in that manner. He's going to learn lessons of his own, just based on his own experience right now. But I don't want to recreate flat tires of wheels that don't roll. You know what I mean. So I would say to leave your listeners with. If you've enjoyed anything that we've discussed today and you want to hear more of my banter and nonsense, you could follow my podcast at GRGRLJKEV the recognized game podcast with RLJ and Kev I happen to be Kev, that conglomerate. Follow us on social media at GRGRLJKEV. If you kind of like how I think, or you want to see some DJ sets, you can follow me at HEFFA Homes 1, j-e-f-e-h-o-l-m-e-s, the number one on Instagram.

Kevin Holmes: 32:23

I get live on occasion. I ain't trying to sell you nothing. I ain't trying to sell you nothing. I'm not trying to promote nothing. You know, if anything, maybe we can be connected, just so that we can exchange positive energy. Man, because that's what I'm about at this moment in time, after the crazy three-plus years we've had, somehow Chantée and myself, we got this bright idea to try to be media moguls in the process of a pandemic. Nevertheless, here we are and we doing pretty damn good. We managing, we managing, we doing pretty damn good and we pretty damn dope. Yes, yes.

Chantée Christian: 33:05

I am so grateful and thankful for you because I've said this before, but I've never said it to you on my platform. So here we go. I would have never had the my Best Shift podcast if it weren't for you. I'll never forget sending you the text talking about soul podcast when do I start? And you were like this nigga.

Kevin Holmes: 33:32

Yeah, but the real rap, though, like I had no game to really give you coming from the game, recognized game podcast, because it was more so like you just got to jump in man and I was like, ok, well, what kind of mic do you use?

Chantée Christian: 33:43

I was like I'm not using that. I was like this is on a budget, but no, but just knowing that someone I knew was doing one, and knowing that I could come to you and ask just random questions that weren't outside of a blog that I have read or whatever, and I just remember when I said I was doing it, you said you know I've talked around and you know whenever you're ready you can come on our show, and we could just do this thing together. And I was like my friend believes in me, we could do this right, and I will always be appreciative of just how God has put you in my life, because your cousin is my audio engineer.

Kevin Holmes: 34:34

Shout Hitz Muzic to Hit Muzic. Shout out to my bro man.

Chantée Christian: 34:39

Yes, like you know, and we've just been able to do so much together, and so I'm just I'm forever grateful for our friendship, for our connection, and I'm so glad that we finally got you on the podcast Real rap real rap man and honestly, I remember that moment as well and, once again, you know the talent and the skill set was there, you know like.

Kevin Holmes: 35:03

So if you told me about yourself then and say, you know I want to be a media mogul, and I would probably say that's dope, let's do it.

Chantée Christian: 35:14

Yeah, I wasn't ready then.

Kevin Holmes: 35:15

You weren't. You weren't ready then. You're ready now, but even still, it's the build up. You know what I mean. My grandfather once told me Kev he was like Kevin you're not going to go from the classroom to the boardroom. It's going to have to be some journeys involved before you make that step.

Kevin Holmes: 35:29

Same way, I met with a president of a small liberal arts college in North Carolina Many, many years ago. He said, yeah, you're going to be a college president one day. You're going to be a university president one day. And I said, yeah, that would be a cool journey, a cool gig. Like how do I get there? That was like my first question. Like how do I get there? And he says you'll get there eventually, but you need a little more gray in your hair. I said, great for what I got to be old. Like I'm not going to be able to do it when I'm old. And that wasn't his point. His point was that the seasons that come with gray hair are going to be just as equally valuable learning experience as the degrees and the letters behind your name and the professional experiences that you gain and the accomplishments that you're going to. It's with the changing of the seasons that you then become more comfortable in answering that question. Shantay, yeah, tell me about yourself.

Chantée Christian: 36:34

Yeah, that's real. I'm going to tell you because so often we want to get there, especially like in this culture, in this space we're in, people are used to having things at the touch of their hands. Right, we talked about in this episode how people will never know certain things. Well, in those things that we were naming came patience and came ability to have resilience and to figure out work around, be innovative and creative without all the extra things that come along with having your phone right at the tip of your hand or having software and all these other things like just being dope without all the extra shit, and it takes time. It's why you may have always been dope. You didn't always know it.

Kevin Holmes: 37:27

You didn't know how to develop it.

Chantée Christian: 37:29

Yeah, or appreciate it or appreciate it, realize it, witness it. Yeah, when you can witness your dope-ness, that shit is crazy to me being able to watch or listen to people listen to my podcasts, or if I do an event and they come and they hear me speak and then they tell me I'm like, oh me. But then there's sometimes when I walk off that stage and I know that shit was hot, and it's in those moments where I'm like, oh yeah, you got it, your moonwalk moment, man. Yeah, yeah, right. So I appreciate you for being on this journey with me.

Kevin Holmes: 38:13

Aw, thank you so much, sister. You know I'm always there. Yeah, if I can be, I'm a be.

Chantée Christian: 38:25

Thank you for listening to this week's episode of the my Best Shift podcast. I really enjoy talking with Kevin about the true essence of who we are and how much or little we share with others. For more information or if you'd like to reach out to us, please visit at my Best Shift underscore LLC on Instagram. Remember, stop doing shit that doesn't serve you. See you later.